13 Reasons Why Not
by 10writer10
Summary: Part 2 to the tragic story of Hannah Baker. You already know the 13 reasons she wanted to die. Know you will see the 13 reasons she wanted to live for. This is a story of second chances, and as you will see some characters learn from mistakes while others are simply doomed to live out the exact same mistakes. Read every single chapter and then pass it down to the next reader!
1. Some Friendships Are Forever

**I feel like I am obligated to tell you that this will not be a Cinderella story or any sort of fairy tale. At moments 13 Reasons Why was funny, heartwarming, and clever but all us fans know the a good part of the content was dark. The life of Hannah Baker was in no way sugar coated and I will not stray away from that original you are curious I will try my best to post on Mondays. Don't hold me to it too my word there, but ill do my best to be consistent.**

 **Hey, it's me, 10writer10. That's right. Don't adjust your... whatever device you're reading this on. It's me, live and in print. No return engagements, no encore. And this time absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in. 'Cause I'm about to tell you the story of Hannah Baker's life. Specifically the second part.**

 **The rules here are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: you read. Number two: you pass it on to your friends. Hopefully, neither one will be easy. It's not supposed to be easy, or I would have emailed you an PDF. When you're done reading all 13 chapters, because there are 13 sides to every story, flip to the first chapter, copy the link in the search bar, and pass it on to the next person you text.**

 **Read this story of her life completely. Or, you know, just throw the link away and I'll never know. Or will I? You see, in case you're tempted to break the rules, understand I did make a copy of these pages, and I left them with a trusted individual who, if this link doesn't make it through all of you, will release those copies in a very public manner. This was not a spur of the moment decision. Do not take my writing for granted. Not again**.

"So what now? Where are we going." Clay had asked Tony. Him, his friend Skye, Tony, and his boyfriend Brad sat in the red car that drove down the road. Clay was just happy to get some fresh air and space away from everything. The people that had hurt Hannah to the point that she gave up on life, all of the drama around the cassette tapes, what had become a stressful daily life at home had been too much for him, and he was just happy to escape for a moment. At the same time, however, he could not just disappear from his life too long, and Tony appeared to have no plans of slowing down or turning the vehicle. What was advertised as a quick drive after school had now become three hours long, and Clay had not even texted his parents yet? He was so sure they would be worried for him after his recent uncharacteristic behavior.

He had finally completed Hannah Baker's tapes and passed them onto Mr. Porter in addition to a side b to the final tape that included the confession of Bryce to the rape of Hannah Baker. He did not feel that much better about happened, the girl of his dreams had ended her life early after a seemingly endless barrage of factors that made her life unbearable, but for the first time, he was ready to accept it. He would never truly be able to move on, she was the second of his closest of his friends to pass away after his buddy Jeff Atkins had died in a tragic and untimely car crash related to a downed stop sign. It would be impossible for him to forget the impact Hannah and Jeff had made on his life, nor did he need to. Clay had finally learned that he could not change the past, and even though he had regretted the only thing he could do was try to change his actions in the next situation. He had absorbed that lesson and was ready to insert it into his daily life. He liked to say he moved on, but while he had learned he still desired to live in the past.

A perfect example of the new and improved Clay was the way he reached out to Skye. Clay had noticed many of the hidden warning signs to Hannah's pain that had flown directly over his head were present in his once close friend as well. The girl who worked in the popular cafe by the school had made a habit of cutting her wrist to deal with pain, had experienced a fair share of bullying, and shared depressed emotions that Hannah once did before the ending of her life. Clay had promised himself to take it into his own hands to make sure Skye had the support she needed. Clay made sure to try and keep her path from leading down the dark one Hannah eventually decided to roam down, the path that had no way back.

The wind blew through Clay's hair as Tony continued to drive down the highway. All four of the members of the group were laughing and having a good time for the first time in a while. Since he first received the box of cassette tapes that Hannah had left behind his life had been turned completely upside down. He had had a tough time coping with her death the first time and listening to the tapes that revealed everything she had really felt was like slowly living through it all over again. Hannah had been the love of his life and since he lost her he had not been able to just have a good time with all the events that had followed. It was nice to reconnect with Skye and just joke around with his peers like he had once done before. All the madness that followed the tapes did not suit him, as the events that occurred and the people he had met pushed him to his own limits. The trip, although he did not know where they were going, was an excellent way to decompress. He was displeased that everyone in the car around him had prior notice to where they were going except him.

Clay was not the only member of the student community that had been hit hard. Alex had been pushed over the edge and had taken an attempt on his life with a gunshot to the head and remained in critical condition in the hospital. Sheri had taken on an incredible amount of stress and guilt after finally confessing and coming to terms with a drunken mistake that had resulted in a destroyed stop sign which could not do its job and save the life of Jeff, and to top it off would potentially face legal charges. Jessica had also taken a big blow from the tapes when she realized Bryce had raped her in a party which was denied by her boyfriend Justin. Both members of that relationship were in pain as Justin broke his links with Bryce after coming to terms with the fact that Bryce was not his friend but a horrible person, and he was left to live on the streets rather than return to his abusive stepfather or Jessica. And that was only the problems that clay realized. All eleven students had felt the consequences of the actions in their consciences and for some, there would be criminal penalties for what they had done.

The suicide of Hannah Baker did not only affect the students, but it hurt the school staff as well. Mr. Porter, the guidance counselor who had given Hannah the worst possible advice and failed to see her problems, was likely to lose his job as the only staff member to make a major appearance in the girl's tapes that listed all the reasons involved in the decision to end her life.

While he was to get the worst of it the whole staff, however, had felt the effects of what happened. Suicide prevention posters and talks had been put into classrooms and discussion topics too late. The school now tried to eliminate some of the aspects of the awful teen environment it provided only after the damage was done. The teachers could erase the hateful messages that were scraped into the bathroom stalls, but they still failed to get rid of the hate within the school community as even some of those involved in Hannah's tapes were unable to learn from their old mistakes. There was a lawsuit in place to punish the school for their negligence. If there were not enough problems with all that, the whole situation had only worsened after Alex had attempted suicide as well.

As for the Baker family, there was nothing but tears and remorse to be seen from what remained of the once happy trio. Hannah's mother had been relentless in her battle with the school as she blamed them for the death of her only daughter. Mr. Baker, on the other hand, had been struggling to keep the family pharmacy open while doing his best to cope with the tragedy internally. Nothing good could possibly come out of their only child's death, but the least they could do their best to make sure there was change so when the next kid like Hannah came along there would be help around. They just wanted to stay afloat and make sure under their control, no couple would have to endure what they did.

They had left all of that madness behind when they went on the road. It was not over yet, but for the time being they could take a break and relax. Out of everyone Clay had needed it the most. Out of all the people in the car, Clay had been hit the hardest. That was because all he had to do in his mind to save her was tell her the truth. All he had to do was admit he loved her and maybe just maybe she would still be around to this day. Everyone in the car knew she was gone, but he was the one that was in her tape. Even if she said he did nothing wrong, that hurt him deeply.

Tony pulled the car over at a nearby diner thanks to the fact that he was hungry and Clay in the back had been whining about his need to use the restroom. He pulled into a spot and Clay ran off to the bathroom while the other three were settled into the table and looking at the menus. While Clay was still relieving himself Brad looked over towards the bathroom and said "Tony. I don't get it. Why are we doing this like this? Shouldn't we tell him where we are going? This seems very extreme."

Tony shook his head. "If it were up to me I would, but I do not make the rules I only enforce them."

Brad nodded. "Fair enough," he said. "I am just glad you have finally decided to let me in on what has been going on. Before you did, all of the secrets were really threatening our relationship. I guess a few more hours would not cause too much harm but as soon as this is over I am done with all the secrets. That includes-."

"Shhhhh," Skye said to quiet down the group. Clay was returning from the bathroom and they quickly started a random discussion to keep the table from being awkward when he returned.

"So what did I miss?" he exclaimed, clearly pleased that he had relieved his bladder and narrowly avoided an accident.

Skye shrugged "Just looking at the specials." She threw the menu down. "Nothing interesting there. I think I will stick to a simple burger, this place does not look very classy and I would steer clear out of anything too complex. I have a sensitive stomach."

Tony nodded "Let's make this quick, we have a schedule to keep. Does anyone have a problem with cheeseburgers." When nobody complained Tony rose his hand and called out "Waiter, we will all have one cheeseburger!"

The group was in a typical, meaningless, teenage conversation when a man came up to them and asked: "Tony, is that you?"

Tony looked up to see the middle-aged man standing over them. "Dan? How are you doing? These are my friends, Clay, Skye, and Brad." Brad shot Tony a look before he continued "Well it is great to see you. I'll tell my dad I ran into you today."

The two spoke for a minute before they parted ways. As soon as Dan left the table Brad asked "Your friend? I do not get it. Do I still embarrass you? Whenever you introduce me to anyone you know it is always as a friend? Why can't you just introduce me as your boyfriend, is that such a big thing to ask?"

"Can we speak of this later Brad?" Tony asked and his boyfriend rolled his eyes before agreeing. Perhaps holding an argument to a more private location rather than a public dinner in front of their friends was not a great idea.

The waiter brought over the four cheeseburgers and the smell of cheap fries and the beef patties filled the air around them. The food was far from great, the cook had failed to cook the patties evenly and they were a bit cold from the middle, which was a bit unsettling. They had already put a ton of salt on the fries in the kitchen before serving them, which was okay because based on the burger's foul taste the fries probably needed it. If they were not in a rush they surely would have sent the mockery of a meal back to the kitchen and demanded a refund, but their time crunch and their hunger allowed them to eat what the diner had called food. It was sure, not worth the fifty dollar bill it accumulated but it was not worth the twenty minute argument either. They just finished their food quietly and when the waiter came to ask if they needed anything else they made sure to say no. They should have just went to the McDonalds a mile down the road, it would have been a much better decision.

Tony took the bill against some of the other group members arguments to split it before they were soon back on the road. "They had been in the car for almost three hours and Clay began to wonder exactly what was going on. Three hours was a very long time to sit in the back seat for a random trip. He began to get anxious and restless in his seat. "Come on Clay. don't be like this now. You have been so good, ten more minutes and it will all be clear." Tony spoke to him like a toddler. In his defense though, Clay had begun to act like one back there asking "Are we there yet?" more times than anyone could count.

Finally, the highway led to an exit with smaller streets that led to even less populated areas until the small road they drove over did not have a single house in clear sight. What could possibly be here? Clay thought. His question was answered a few moments later when the car pulled in by a shed-like house that was alone except for the pond behind it and the trees that surrounded it.

The other three members of the group immediately got out of the vehicle and began to stretch and enter the tiny, wooden cabin. What was so special about this place? Why had he been the only member of the group to be unaware of where they were going? It did not add up to Clay. He decided to stop wondering and join the rest of his friends. He was here now, there was no more use of wondering when his answers would all be revealed shortly.

Clay joined the three in the tiny house and he immediately was drawn to the picture-perfect image of the water through the small, crooked, back window. Nothing about the place was luxurious. The hardwood floor rattled and creaked when people stepped on it. The one-floor house looked like it could collapse if someone yelled loud enough or stomped. The windows were cloudy and tiny gaps could be seen between the window frames and the wall. The funny thing was the little place actually seemed pretty relaxing and comforting. The sounds of the wildlife outside really gave the place a natural feel. That feel was amplified by the views of pure nature itself that surrounded it. It also lacked a great cellular connection so his parents would be worried sick.

The pond really drew Clay's attention. He wanted to go over and get a better look. "So, you guys want to sit by the pond or something?" he asked.

Tony shook his head "I would like to, you know I am a big nature fan as you know, but I really think there is something me and Brad should discuss." He pointed his head towards the kitchen for Brad to meet him there. They likely were talking about the whole friend/boyfriend thing that had come up earlier.

Clay looked at Skye. "How about you? Wanna go down there a minute?" he asked. To his dismay, she also shook her head.

"I'm sorry Clay, but that burger made me feel unwell. I think I am going to take a nap and see where I stand later." She walked into the room opposite of the kitchen that contained a few bunk beds. There were only three rooms in the entire house; the main room, the bedroom, the kitchen. It was going to be a tight fit if they stayed the night.

Clay rolled his eyes. He would have to go out to the pond by himself because he was not waiting for one of his friends to change their mind and join him It would be dark by then.

As soon as he opened the door he saw it. "Not again," he said. In his mind, he saw the image of a beautiful girl with pretty blue eyes and shortcut, bright brown hair sitting on a bench several yards away. It was not an unusual sight for him. The face was warm and familiar and he would normally walk over to greet it, except he knew it was no longer real. That face had passed on from this world, and the figure that sat there staring at him did not exist. He had run into her constantly in his dreams and imagination ever since he started listening to the tapes. In some cases she seemed so real he would try to communicate with her, embarrassing himself in front of everyone in public who could not see her. "Not this time" he mumbled to himself.

He did not know if she was in his imagination or some kind of a ghost that was not yet ready to move on. He stared at the girl who his mind attempted to convince him was staring back and analyzed her. Her skin was pale enough to be that of a ghost, but Hannah was always pale, wasn't she? He tried to search his memory for Hannah's exact appearance, but it hurt him to know that the girl's image in his head had started to fade. Her appearance on the bench looked quite accurate from what he could remember though. In fact, she looked even more real than some of the other dreams as if she actually sat before him. He shook the thought out of his head because Hannah was lying down six feet under her tombstone.

He missed her deeply. He wanted to see her again so badly that he believed he was making up an image of her in his head just to substitute for the hole she had left in his life. When the figure awkwardly waved to him he almost walked over and greeted it as if it were truly her, as if nothing had ever happened. He stopped himself though. Sure it was not good to let go of his memory of her and he needed to find a way to keep her alive within him but this was not it. Continuing his relationship with a dead girl in his mind was not healthy for him or anyone for that matter. He did not need to lose the memories they shared, but it was insane to make new ones without her presence. He looked away from the figure and sat beside the mouth of the pond.

He sat there for several minutes, removing his shoes and socks so that he could dip his feet in the frigid water. A yellow fish had gathered so much of his attention that he did not notice the body that blocked the sun, which would son duck under the trees, off his back. When he noticed the change of temperature on his neck he looked at his reflection to see Hannah Baker standing above him. Out of all the visions of her that had come to him, this one was surely the most complicated. He still did not wish to communicate with his imagination so he closed his eyes tight and tried hard to erase her from his current thoughts. It failed.

"Are you alright." she inquired, "I think you are going to hurt yourself if you close them any tighter." She said. "I'm no doctor though." The voice in this hallucination was just as he had remembered hers to be when she was still around.

Clay ignored the voice although he wanted to talk to her so badly. He understood in his heart that this was not her, it was just her memory that he had preserved being animated by his own thoughts. If he wanted to move on from seeing her everywhere he went at any time he could not continue to interact with her like this.

"Helmet." The voice said, "I must say that I expected this moment of us to be a little different." The memory of the girl sighed "I mean I am sure the version I had in my head was a bit exaggerated and all of that stuff, but after all this time not a single hello and a cold shoulder are way worse than I could have predicted. It's like…" The girl began to cry. Sobbing she squeaked out "It is like you never even missed me. You could've never met me and you would be no different. After all, we had been through-"

He finally spoke to the imaginary girl. "I did not miss you! Are you kidding me, Hannah! The biggest regret of my life is never telling you how I felt. You have no idea how many times I have imagined doing it all over again and telling you that I love you and always will. The funny thing is how many times I tell you in my mind nothing changes. No matter how many times I say it you will never hear it from my mouth. You will never know how I felt because you left me before I could tell you!" The words he said were sweet, but the loud, angry voice he said them with was peculiar.

He felt tears growing in his eyes. "Hannah." he choked up as he spoke "I don't get it. Why? Why do you...you do this."

The girl who had died a while back sat beside the friend that had never abandoned her throughout her entire life. Her legs were crossed as she looked out into the pond with Clay. "What do you mean why? You listened, didn't you? I was overwhelmed, I felt the world would be a better place if I never stepped foot in it. I couldn't take the names, insults, rumors, and cold-hearted lies. I was wronged far too many times for a lifetime let alone one year. I thought I made the why part very clear. You listened didn't you?" Clay shook his head.

"No, while I think you were wrong about your reasons, I understood them." he paused to move his feet around the brisk surface of the pond. "What I meant is why do we still have these conversations, me and you. Why don't you let me move on and let me continue my life? We both have made mistakes to regret, but the past is in the past and there isn't nor will there ever be anything to change it later on. No matter how many times we talk about my dreams and visions nothing will change. What do you want from me?"

"So you really do dream of me? How often?" she asked.

Clay shrugged and said "I don't count, but I have yet to go a day where I don't at least picture your face and I can't figure out why. What is it that you want in my head. What do you want from me?"

Hannah looked in Clay's direction. "Helmet, I have been here, by the lake, this whole time. I have no knowledge of what happens within your head and without my tapes, you would not be able to see what was in mine. The version of me you can not shake off is not brought by me, it is your own mind's inability to let go. Is that so bad."

Clay sighed "So you can not help me move on?" looking into her sparkling eyes.

"No, sorry." the girl scooched over and Clay swore he could feel the warmth of her shoulder as it pressed against his. "But I can give you that second chance you mentioned before," she added as she brought her lips towards his.

He had promised himself that he would not tease himself like this. It was not the first time he was tempted to kiss one of the versions of Hannah, but this time felt different. He closed his eyes and leaned in, and the pair of lips met each other. Their heads stayed together for a couple of seconds before parting, both teenagers smiling as they backed away to their previous positions.

Then it hit Clay. Her lips, their warm, moist, and soft feeling beside his own were just like they were before. Every characteristic of her kiss, even the slight tremble of her lower lip was present. The kiss was too real to have been generated by his sloppy imagination. He was quick to take a jump back as his eyes widened and jaw dropped. "Hannah! You're… You're real." Many thoughts raced through his mind but all that he could squeeze out was "But how. You were dead." Was he dreaming? Was his mind playing a cruel trick on him?

The girl tried to break the tension with a joke. "The grave was kind of empty so I decided to come up and feast on a brain or two. Yours smells pretty good by the way." When his extremely pale face did not budge she said "I'm sorry, that was a bad time for that. She paused and looked into Clay's eyes. "I guess this is not an easy conversation to have." I never did it. I was not able to end it. I guess I have decided to give life a second last chance." The girl looked concerned, and for good reason. Clay's reaction to the once thought dead girl's big surprise was extreme as it should have been.

"That can't be true. Tony saw it, he told me he was there. The whole world thinks you're dead. I...I've seen your grave. How are you still alive?" Clay spoke still in shock. He was now pacing back and forth, his bare feet walking on the moist grass around the pond.

Hannah tried to walk over to Clay and calm him down but he took a step away. She sighed and said "It was not all fake. The story Tony told you, for the most part, was accurate." She paused as a tear flowed down her cheek. "I wanted to do it. I got home that day and in my head, I told myself I would end my life for good. I made all the preparations, delivering the box to Tony's house and completing tape thirteen. My mind did not begin to have second thoughts until I began the fill the tub with razor blades in my hands. For some reason, I cut myself in the tub anyway, and the last I can remember is feeling light headed and sick to the stomach as I passed out."

"I am so confused Hannah. You die in that story. Why aren't you dead?"

"No" she corrected "I try to die in that story." She took a deep breath "Everything you know from the tapes and Tony is accurate up to that point, after that, you may have made up a few events based on what you were told. Tony was there, but he told you he was too late. He called 9-1-1 and rushed to my house. I woke up on life support and with stitches down my wrist. My mom worked late that day, she had no clue, and by the time she came home from work I had left."

Clay asked, "So the part about you killing your self-was a lie?" His heart rate was starting to lower itself back to normal and as the shock left him he began to walk back towards the girl who had endured so much. He did not fear her, she had just shocked him.

"For now," Hannah said. "I had second thoughts, but I did want to die that day. Tony made a deal with me that night. He wanted to show me just how much I had touched those around me before I made my decision. He wanted to prove I was wrong and had something left to live for. He flexed the muscle of his family and allowed me to fake my own death and I watched life without me from the side through messages on a phone during the rare moments I got a connection in this remote cabin. To be fair I will make thirteen reasons for me to live and then I will compare them side by side to the tapes and when I am done I can answer the question of whether or not to live or die."

Clay walked in close and hugged her, consoling himself and her at the same time. "Which one?" He asked, "Which one do you want to pick when it's all over?" Her grip on Clay was tight, so tight that her fingernails almost clawed through his blue sweatshirt. "Which path are you leaning and hoping towards."

"I have to be honest, I could go either way. I want to be able to say I want to live and have a great life, but you have to understand all I felt was the pain of what I lived from every single day. The only way to get rid of it was ending it all, at least that was my opinion then. This cabin has acted like a break for me and given me time to relax, but the old pain only becomes a memory, it doesn't fade. It never will!" She was crying into Clay's shoulder and he patted and rubbed her in the back to try and cheer her up.

"How bad was it. I mean, I've gone through every tape and basically swam through your thoughts at your darkest moments, but as specific as you where I can never truly understand what you felt inside. How much did it hurt to live? How bad did you feel that you actually wanted to die?" Clay asked wishing to know what the girl in his arms felt.

Their bodies separated as Hannah walked away with her back to Clay. He thought to himself on whether or not she was upset by something that she said. She was still crying and she shook like she was on the verge of collapsing and Clay thought it was because she did not want to talk. It was true that the question brought pain to the mind of Hannah Baker, but she did want to talk about it. She had always wished for someone to care, and finally, someone had asked to understand her. She was crying as a result of his question, but she had wanted him to ask it. She was just finding a way to answer it.

Hannah finally turned around to face Clay. She pulled up her sleeves to reveal two deep red, nasty, long scars that had a lot more healing ahead of them. Holding the scars in Clay's view she said "If the pain of making these on the night Tony found me was a one, the pain in everyday life that brought me to the point that I made them was a ten. Both were unbearable but unlike the other, one had an end in sight. " The words hit Clay hard, and his understanding of the girl and all she had been through expanded. He did not understand what to do next. Nothing he could say would make anything any better, and he was trying to think of any action that would be fitting for the situation. What he did not realize was Hannah did not need him to say something, just the feeling of having someone to listen to and understand her was all that she needed. He desperately scanned his mind for an action to help her when he already had helped her without even noticing.

"Hannah." Clay said "I don't know what to do. I want to help you, but I don't know how." He was still unsure if she was upset with him or not.

Hannah smiled and said, "Don't worry you already have."

Clay held his arms out. "Come over here. I missed you," he exclaimed.

Hannah shook her head and said, "Nah, there is something I need to do." Her eyes were still moist but she had stopped crying. In fact, she was slightly smiling again. She crouched down and pulled a small notebook out of her sweatshirt pocket along with the pen that matched it.

Clay walked over to peer over her shoulder. She said as she wrote "Clay, Helmet, this is your note." and chuckled a bit.

"Excuse me." he said trying to see the paper around her head.

"Oh, I decided to make a list of all the reasons why I still have more to live for. I was going to do some more tapes, but they did not really fit so I am going to write a few paragraphs in my notebook for each of the thirteen. The notes thing was a play on the this is your tape thing I used to say." She spoke as she wrote.

Clay was still trying to find a better angle when she stopped writing and turned around and said "Can I finish. I can't concentrate with you hovering over me." Clay smiled and gave Hannah some space.

When she finished she handed it to him to read. It read _Clay, Helmet, this is your note. I remembered how hard it was for me to speak for your tape, as I know you remember I mentioned you did not deserve one. The thing was I wanted you to know the truth, even if I was not around to see your reaction. Now I know if I had the confidence to tell you before, I would not have been disappointed. Clay you are the first and most simple reason for me to live, after all in my first life you were the only thought that made me hesitate to end it. You are different Clay and for some reason, I did not really see it until it was too late. When everything went to shit, you never left my side. To be honest, towards the end of my old life I treated you like shit and yet you still tried to help me. If there was anything I could've done differently, I would have opened up to you. Back then I was scared I would push you away or worse drag you down with me, but I know now that you might have been able to save me. Friends like you are irreplaceable, and I have learned today that our friendship might be unbreakable. Clay on my tape I said I did not deserve you, and while it is true it is also true that I need you. I don't know what will happen next between us, but I do know that as long as you live I will always be able to trust and rely on you no matter what goes wrong. I love you Clay, and if I ultimately decide to stay in this world you will always be my first reason why. Thanks for being there for me my Helmet, now you know how much you mean to me._

Clay looked up from her notebook at the girl he had once thought he lost. Every great thing she had written was about him. "I should have said this before all of this crap, but I was weak back then. In all my time I thought I lost you I feel I have grown by learning from all of my mistakes I made involving you just because I was scared. I love you Hannah Baker and I always will."


	2. The Diamond in the Rust

**Welcome to chapter two of this story. Like I said before there will eventually be M rated material in this story, but for these first two chapters, there have not been any graphic scenes so I will not change the rating until an M scene appears in the story. As I have already said I tell this story the way I feel it would have if Hannah truly did fail to take her own life. If you either enjoy this story or even dislike it I would love if you took a few minutes to leave a comment and tell me why. It takes around 12 hours to write each chapter and I want to know how I can spend my time to make them the best chapters possible. Also since it will turn into an M rated story eventually I fear there will be a drop-off in viewers, so I would ask if you are a fan that you share it with others that will enjoy it. Sorry to hold you to read this paragraph, enjoy your reading.**

"How are you going to tell the others. I mean, Hannah, you were dead to the world. What are you going to do to tell the others? How are you going to go back into town? Did you consider any of this?" Clay said, still in partial shock that Hannah Baker had never truly lost her life.

Hannah shrugged the question over and gave Clay another quick peck on the lips. Her intent was to slow his racing mind. To her Clay was overthinking the situation a bit, but Clay had a point. This girls friend had all placed flowers at her memorial service. The entire community had already accepted she had moved on to the next life. Her dearest friends and even her parents had already begun the phases of moving on. Everybody thought she was dead, and those who were not convinced by her tombstone and the coffin beneath that nobody knew was empty. Clay was right, there were a lot of questions following Hannah that she should have been thinking about. For some reason, however, Hannah was able to keep the uncertainties in the future to the back of her mind as her only foucus was not tarnishing her reunion with Clay. Maybe she lived each moment in the present, or maybe she felt it all should have been all over already and thought of her time as a bonus to the life that should have already ended. Whatever the reason was, it was clear that Clay was currently the only thought on her mind and that it had been for some time.

Hannah tried to distract Clay with a deeper kiss, but he politely pushed her away. Hannah tilted her head and asked "Is something wrong? I'm sorry if you don't want this anymore. I realize that I have done a couple drastic things that may have pushed even someone as good as you away from me. Do you need a bit of space?" Hannah took an additional step back.

"No," Clay shook his head. "Hannah I don't want space. I don't think I could deal with being separated from you again. It's just that, well there is a lot of stuff you need to do. What if the others see us out here? What will they think? That surprise I am still alive thing was ok for me I guess, but I feel like the average person would not really react positively to that type of thing. We should go in and tell everyone the good news, the right way. Sound good?"

Hannah rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine if it means that much to you. I must say though, you can be a square at times Helmet. Not that it is a bad thing at all, I'm just pointing it out. Squares are a unique shape in geometry when it comes to rectangles, you know."

Clay grabbed Hannah's hand and the two made their way back towards the cabin together. On there way back Clay devised what he thought was the best way to reintroduce Hannah into the others group members lives. He led her into the cabin, his legs moving twice the speed of hers and causing him to begin to drag her arm since his rush was far more urgent than hers.

He had Hannah stand behind the cabin, out of view from inside the cabin and walked in through the clear screen door. Clay called out "Everybody, come in here for a minute. There is something important that I need to talk to all of you guys about. It is very, very important.

The first person to walk over to Clay was Tony. He walked out of the kitchen and asked Clay "What's the matter. You did not come in any contact with any wildebeest, did you? They are a very popular sighting around here."

Clay shook his head. "Tony it is the greatest news I have ever had to share. I… I just don't know how to tell you."

Tony looked over towards the door and waved. "Hey, Hannah. Long time no see. How are you?" He smiled at her.

For a second Clay was in shock. He looked back and forth at Hannah and Tony who were not at all shocked to see each other. Then after a few minutes, it dawned on him. Everybody already knew. He had forgotten with all the drama that Tony had placed Hannah in the cabin in the first place. Tony must have already leaked Hannah's well-kept secret to the others, and the focus of the whole trip was to tell Clay. That is why they were talking behind his back was the thought that drifted through his head.

Skye left her room and began having a conversation with Hannah, while Clay still had a confused expression wrapped around his face. "So everybody knew?" he asked. Hannah and Tony smiled and laughed why Skye shrugged. Clay did not mind that he was not told. It was information that he felt he deserved to know earlier, but the moment he shared with Hannah Baker by the pond was pretty magical. Besides he also was relieved that he would not have to find a way to tell everyone the truth about Hannah. That was one out of the many awkward situations that would follow in his life, avoided. After the initial awe had completely left his system he decided to just join the conversation that he was standing on the outside of.

When all the talk settled down, Tony called out "Brad, there is someone out here that I would like you to meet. Someone who is very important to me." Brad came out from the kitchen. "Brad, this is my dear friend Hannah Baker."

Tony walked over and put his arm around Brad. "This is my…" he paused and looked Brad in the eyes before continuing "boyfriend Brad." Hannah walked over and shook Brad's hand.

After the two got acquainted, Brad turned to Tony and said "By the way that one does not count." Tony looked at Brad in a confused manner.

"What do you mean it doesn't count? You said you want me to be more open and introduce you as my boyfriend. Is that not what I just did?" Tony could not understand what Brad wanted.

"There was nothing wrong with what you just did, it was sweet. It was a step in the right direction, but I can not count that as actual progress." Brad paused as he found his words. "Hannah already knew you were gay. When you finally told me about her and how that was your big secret you also told me that she set you up with your first boyfriend. These people are your closest friends, and you even hesitated to introduce me to Clay. I want you to introduce me like that in the diner when someone you know pops up, or when I go to your father's house for dinner." Brad and Tony were still in the living room, but they had strayed to the wall which was as far from the others they could get without leaving entirely.

Tony quickly responded. "Brad… you know I am not good at all this stuff, it is who I am. It doesn't mean that I don't care about you. You know how much you mean to me." Tony was sincere, as he looked his boyfriend in the eyes.

Brad tilted his head "I know I do, and I know you mean the world to me. It is just that I want the world to know that." He then ran his hand through Tony's slick black hair.

Tony sighed and said " Ok, I will do my best. I'll try to be more open for you." He then leaned in until his lips came in contact with Brad's. It was the first time he had kissed in front of anybody and it was perfect.

Clay, Hannah, and Skye could not help notice the moment the two were sharing in the other room. At first, they smiled, as they were happy to see their friend's share a happy moment with each other. Then it became a bit awkward to watch them or to ignore them. They had no problem with the kiss, they had a problem with the fact that it did not end. The two just stood against the wall making out with each other and it became a bit awkward for all the others in the room. At first there were a few chuckles but then the room went dead silent.

Everyone in the trio just waited it out, wondering if one of the three would eventually say something. Hannah eventually stepped up to the plate. "Hey guys this is cute and all, but it has been a minute and a half. Get a room already." She said it in a playful manner and everybody began to laugh, even Tony and Brad.

The couple walked back towards the rest of the group smiling. "Come on now Hannah," Tony said. "We let you and Clay have your moment out there. You didn't hear any of us complaining then." Everyone except Clay and Hannah began to chuckle.

"What are you talking about?" Hannah lied. "Wait did you spy on us? That is uncool." She did not know why she was lying, it was just a teenage instinct.

Clay added on "Yeah, really. It's bad enough that you kept me in the dark, now you all have to spy on me too."

Before anyone else could speak Hannah mentioned "I am with you that it was creepy for them to spy on you, but to be fair I was the one that made them not tell you. Sorry."

Suddenly the focus shifted away from all the spying that had occurred through the small kitchen window. "What do you mean that it was you Hannah? You were the one that did not want me to know you were alright? I was a mess when you left, and you were okay letting me live under the false perception that you had died. Why? Why would you torture me like that."

The mood had changed abruptly, and the rest of the group slowly made their way to another room to avoid being involved in Clay and Hannah's fight. They had raised their voices though, meaning the others could still hear what was said through the thin wooden walls.

"Clay, please." Hannah pleaded. "Don't be mad. You were the person I wanted to tell the most. For heaven's sake, I almost gave you the box of tapes instead of Tony. It is not that I didn't care about you, it is that I cared too much. I was too afraid that I would hurt you if something bad happened ok. Like I said in the tapes I didn't want to ruin you." Hannah had a tear building up in one of her eyes.

Clay looked the other way. He wanted to just open his arms up to her and cuddle for hours, but his emotions took control over his desire. He was angry, frustrated, and confused and those three held his desire away from his actions. "You did not want to hurt me? Hannah, I am not trying to hurt your feelings or push you away because I truly do care a lot about you, but what you did was anything except sheltering me from pain. Going through those tapes and not knowing when I would hear my own was a mind game for me and all the other eleven people, okay. I must have broken down one hundred times thinking that I lost you, and even some of the others are wrecks. I know that Tony was giving you updates, but I am not so sure that he gave you all of them. For example, at one point in the time of my tape, I actually entertained the concept of jumping from a cliff to prevent any more time living without you. You have no idea what it feels like to think the love of your life is gone forever, partially because you never told them you loved them. You should've told me, Hannah? I don't know why you don't trust me more?"

Hannah put her hand on his shoulder as she began to cry. While she knew her tapes had had a direct impact on Clay, she had no idea how much she had hurt him. Her voice trembled as she said "I trust you more than anyone else I know now or ever will. I did not tell you because when I promised Tony that I would make a list of reasons to live, I was not sure if I meant it. I truly did believe in you, but I believed in you too much. I wanted to tell you about my feelings and where I was more than anything else, but then you would have came for me and I was still scared I would ruin you. Clay, I am scared right now that I will ruin you. Please don't stay mad at me Helmet." Her hand was shaking as she thought of the idea of losing Clay.

It hit Clay then, and he turned around to see Hannah sobbing. He took her hand off his shoulder and placed it against his palm. Standing with their bodies pressed together he realized how wrong he had been to lash out at her. Sure she had put him through ten times the amount of pain and pressure a man twice his age should ever face, but compared to what she went through he had experienced nothing. He loved her and wanted to help support her, not scold her. He looked into her beautiful eyes and said "Hannah, I don't want what I just said to get in the way of our relationship. I didn't mean it. All of this was just to much to take in for one day, and my thoughts just exploded. I'm sorry Hannah." He wrapped his arms around her.

Her eyes were still red but she had stopped crying. "Our relationship" she asked. "So we are like boyfriend and girlfriend officially?" She smiled as she rested her hand against Clay's shoulder.

"Um… I thought we already were," said Clay. "If you want that, I would be more then happy being your boyfriend." Clay said in an awkward manner. He had never actually had a girlfriend and he showed it in the way he talked to her and his slouched body language.

Hannah giggled. "Helmet, I would love it if you were my boyfriend." with a relieved smile. Clay and Hannah were finally an official couple. It was a moment that both of them had been waiting for ever since they laid eyes on each other. Clay was thrilled. He could not believe that after all the time thinking that this could never happen and after thinking the beautiful girl before him had been lost forever, that Hannah Baker was now his girlfriend. When he pulled his body away from hers to see the smile her perfect face, he knew she felt the exact same way.

Their eyes were now trapped in each other's gazes, not that either of them wanted to look away. They had kissed before, but for some reason, Clay had even more butterflies in his stomach than usual. When he saw her on the pond, he just leaned right in and went for it in the heat of the moment. That had actually surprised Hannah, just because it was behavior so unusual for Clay. The nervous Clay before her who hesitates to lean in was the one she was used to. The two of them just stood together with their noses a mere inch apart.

Clay's head hovered beside Hannah's, and his nerves got the best of him. Rather than confidently putting his lips against hers, they moved awkwardly as he spoke. His voice shook weakly as he asked "So um… what now? Do we kiss? Is it ok if I kiss you?" All the sudden, his eyes shot down towards the ground. Clay was funny like that. At one moment he appeared that he had grown into a whole new confident person, doing things that his old self would have never dreamed about, and the next he was right back to his old shy self. He knew that Hannah was crazy about him, yet he still was not able to kiss her without triple checking if it would be okay with her.

He continued to stare down at the wooden floor until Hannah's hand held his head by the chin and brought it up until his eyes met her's once again. Bringing her lips as close to his as she possibly could without touching she whispered "I almost forgot how much of a square you were. You are lucky all your sides and angles are perfect." She closed her eyes softly as she gently pulled his face to her's. Their lips pressed gently against each other as they sealed the beginning of their relationship with a long but tender kiss. This one was different than the others, as it felt more special.

Clay accidentally tilted his head the same way as Hannah, and they bumped noises. Both their heads jerked back as they both burst into laughing fits, and Clay could hardly regain enough of his composure to mouth the word "sorry" to her. It was a scene of true love and happiness. In fact, it was the first time Hannah had felt happy in any way at all since she started down her tragic path. Sure the other kisses and moments were good, but they were clouded by confusion and uncertainty. Now that they had become a couple, however, Hannah felt a sense of security. Sure she was facing more questions than ever and it was a mere pact of words, Hannah Baker felt safe for the first time in years now that Clay was officially by her side. Her relationship with him was a minute old and it was already the best she ever had. From the moment their noises collided she knew Clannah would last.

Tony, Brad, and Skye had seemed to disappear in the minds of Clay and Hannah, but they still stood at the far side of the room. They made sure to be quiet and not to disturb the beautiful showing of romance before them. It was a perfect moment for Tony to get Hannah back for disturbing his small moment with Brad, but he would never dare. Clay and Hannah had been waiting for this for so long, and the fact that it happened so perfectly was such a miracle, that Tony did not even consider interrupting. The only noise Tony could hear other than the contact of the couple's lips was the crickets songs outside and Skye's quiet voice whispering in his ear "I think they beat you two." Tony nodded. There was no beating Clannah when it came to cute couples, and he was just glad to see them together like that.

Clay and Hannah must have made out together for over two whole minutes when Hannah pulled her head away. Clay, nervous as usual when it came to love, asked "Am I okay? There isn't something wrong is it? I thought I was good." His voice was frantic, as usual when it came to these types of situations.

Hannah playfully rolled her eyes at him. "Will you just relax for one second Helmet." she said in an energetic voice. "You were great," she exclaimed before adding, "In fact you were incredible for someone with so little experience at this stuff. And when you act like a square, I must admit I find it adorable." Hannah wiped her mouth a bit and smiled. "Believe me, that was the best kiss I have ever had, no question."

Clay looked at her in a perplexed manner and said "I don't get it then. If it was good and you were okay with it, why did you stop? I don't understand." He believed Hannah, but he had to double check once again that it was nothing he did wrong.

Hannah sarcastically shook her head. "Well Clay, as you may or may not have realized, a small audience has built up behind us and it made me a bit uncomfortable." Hannah said, pointing directly behind Clay, where the rest of the group stood watching them. Clay was disappointed that the kiss had been shortened, but he was extremely relieved that it was not ended by any sort of mistake he had made.

It would of been an awkward transition for them to rejoin the group after that. The moment Clay and Hannah had shared was pretty intense, and their messy hair and the sweat that accumulated on them showed it. Luckily for then, Skye stepped in and said "Wow. I am just sitting here in this cabin all alone, surrounded by the two cutest couples I have ever seen in my life. This is not fair at all." After she spoke everyone laughed. It was going to be a positive evening for everyone.

It was a delight for everyone when Brad announced his skill in the kitchen, which Hannah wished she had with her for all the time she spent in the cabin alone. The small kitchen had a round table packed into it, that somehow all the teenagers managed to fit around. They complemented Brad, the chef, and the table was boisterous with energetic yet pointless talk. In the cabin it was like all the world around them had stopped. Sure the events that were ignited by the introduction of the tapes were still occurring, but they could almost be forgotten at the table in the cabin which was miles away from the drama at school. The only major interruption from the real world in the feast prepared by Brad was the sudden tune of Clay's cell phone. The cabin was excluded from the real world but that did not mean that the world around them stopped while they were in the cabin, even if it seemed that it did. The call from Clay Jenkins' mother was a rude wake up call, that they all still had a life outside the old cabin. They all included Hannah, and even the brilliant cooking of Brad could not change the fact that eventually Hannah would have to return just as Clay and all the others would.

Clay left his empty plate as he walked into another room, gulping heavily as he dreaded his mother's reaction. Who could blame her for the way she was bound to panic. The son who she had grounded and expected to be home around four was in a small cabin hours away at the time of eight oclock. For all she could tell, he was drunk again or even in physical danger. Even though she knew Clay was a "good kid" she knew that even the best of children could fall into trouble, and clay had shown alarming signs recently. He was fortunate that he was too far away to be picked up right then and there and that he would give his parents enough time to settle down from the idea of killing him. Clay could not care at all how they punished him as there was no price to steep for what he had earned that day. He had won the girl of his dreams that he had thought that he lost forever and nothing, not even a year being grounded would discourage him from doing it again if he had the chance to decide all over again.

The table members mumbled, sharing opinions on what Clay's mom would decide on as a punishment. They felt bad at heart, but the discussion was more humorous than serious. Finally while Clay pleaded with his parents in the living room, Tony called Hannah into the bedroom for a more serious discussion.

Tony didn't even bother to small talk, he just got right into the important matters ahead of them. "Here we are. I have followed all of the instructions. So far almost everything has gone down according to your own terms. The thing is, you only told me what you wanted to happen next up to this point. What do we do now Hannah? What will you do now?"

She had no idea. She never thought that she would still be alive at that point in time. At the last time that her and Tony had discussed what to do next, she spoke assuming she would cave and take another attempt at her own life. Now that they met once again her viewpoint had been altered this time as she wanted to live, at least for a little while longer. All she should do is shrug to Tony's question. All she could answer him with was "I truly have no clue. Maybe you can take the reins for this part."

This was a tricky situation to wiggle out of, and Hannah had ignored the elephant in the room as long as she could. The entire world thought she had passed, and that included her parents and even the law. That was a huge deal. Putting the moral difficulty of returning home to your parents who believe you are six feet under ground aside, there were likely going to be legal implications. She had basically unintentionally staged her death with the help of Tony, which means she would be sure to face a legal accusation of fraud. On top of that the whole world now had paired her name off with the word suicide, which would certainly become a social problem if she was even able to attend school. The fact that Hannah was still around was a miracle, but even that did not mean that her resurrection into society would be easy.

When Tony asked her what her next plans were, he did not expect an answer. He had only asked because in the past her plan had been so thorough, as if she knew what would happen three steps away even if she didn't even plan to take three more steps herself. Tony had sealed with many sticky situations before, it was his father and brothers did for his whole life up to this point, but Hannah's situation was by far the stickiest. This was stage two of the plan he and Hannah had devised together in order to keep her from making a mistake and ending her valuable life. He had followed Hannah as far as she could have possibly carried the sled. Now it was his turn to take on the plotting weight.

"Well," Tony started to talk as he finished his thought, "To be honest the best thing to do would be to return as soon as possible before it becomes any harder for you. I understand you will need a bit of time to gain courage, so I guess I could drop Clay home early tomorrow before his mother kills him and then I can take you the next day. I know life has been better for you up here but you can't just sit here and watch the world fly past you from here forever. What do you say Hannah, do you feel it is time?"

Hannah sat down on the chair and broke down crying. She could not believe what she had done. All she tried to do that night was end it all, but now she had just started a whole new set of obstacles. How would her parents react to her return, after mourning for her all of this time. Would her old relationship with them be gone. Would they see her in a less bright light then before. And that was just the first of her problems.

Different worse case scenarios began to shoot through her brain. What if the kids at the school bullied her even more, knowing she had "faked" her own death. How would her teachers look at her? Would Clay's parents disapprove of her for her past, and prevent them from going out? How many areas of her life that she had not even thought about would be disturbed?

All of the questions and worries swirled around her and she became lightheaded. She felt sick to the stomach, and everything around her began to shake. She collapsed to her knees as the results of her actions were becoming too heavy to hold up any longer. Her breath became short as she now lay on the floor, with the feeling of a thousand pounds pushing her chest to the ground. As her consciousness began to fade she felt a hand squeeze her's, but she could no longer see clear enough to decipher who sat beside her for sure. She recognized the feelings that coursed through her body, they lightly resembled what she experienced that dark night and assumed that the hand that griped hers was the one that found her that night. A voice that greatly resembled Tony said "Take it easy Hannah. It will be alright." A moment later, she had passed out cold.

The first moment that you wake up from something like that, there is always a sense of confusion. Last time Hannah had lost consciousness she woke up, to her surprise, in a hospital. This time she woke up on the kitchen floor with Tony sitting cross legged beside her. "Wha… what happened, Tony." She was still trying to recollect all that had just occurred. "Am I alright."

He calmly put his hand over her head and said "Yep, no fever. We were having a pretty serious discussion and you passed out from a powerful panic attack. I would get up slowly." He spoke softly with a gentle smile.

Hannah slowly inched her way back to sitting up. She shook her head. "It's just so much. All of this could've been avoided. It is all because of me." She began to work herself up again.

Tony put his hand around her shoulders and said "Hannah. You were in pain. When people feel hurt or get powerful emotions, it is hard for them to think clear. Many people have been in your place have seen the same things and acted the same way. You are lucky to have a chance to rethink your rash decisions. Hannah, as long as I am here I will assure you that nothing you did was out of reason. I have lived through a lot and I have to say others have been there. I will take care of it. You will be alright. I promise."

Hannah said "Others will never see it that way. They will never get me. They are disgusted by me and what I have tried to do." She sighed.

Tony shrugged. "So what about what others think? I understand you. The people you care about the most understand you. You think everyone accepts me for who I am? Everyone is unique Hannah, and there is nothing wrong with you. You are simply misunderstood like me." Tony smiled when he saw the girl's smile begin to fade.

Hannah began to say "But what-," when Tony cut her off.

"I took care of everything I could think of. Legally, I spoke to my father's lawyer and he is already making the proper calls to let you continue on with your life free of charges, and to help clarify the lawsuit and criminal case against Bryce now that you are alive. I will inform your parents just to avoid a shock related incident when I drop Clay off a day before I bring you home. Then on Monday the news of your return will go public. We will take it from there. For now get some rest we have a big weekend ahead. Everyone else is sleeping, you were out for two hours."

Hannah pulled Tony into a tight hug. After a minute she released him, but did not move to head to the bedroom. Insead she took out the tiny notebook from her back pocket. Smiling she said "Two reasons in one day. This is the best day i've had in a long while." She pulled out a pen and began to write.

 _Tony, my closest and most loyal friend (sorry Clay) this is your on this day you have proved once again just how trustworthy and dependable of a person you really are. There is a reason that my tapes ended up on your doorstep that day, and it is because I knew you would do everything to respect my wishes. In my darkest hours and bleakest moments your shoulder is always there to carry me back to the light. Even when I don't want you to be there, you are always there for me._

 _With all the bad that happened to me I could not help but focus on the hundreds of people that had either wronged me or just watched it happen. I was focused on all the bad people in this world to the point that I stopped digging through the dirt to find diamonds like you. I have to admit people like you are rare, but they are far more precious than the others that surround them. As you assisted me today, I realized that the good in one person like you can outweigh the bad in a hundred others. I have learned to focus on the good things rather than dwell on the bad thanks to you._

 _I do not understand why or how but you have a gift to see inside people. You are able to notice how someone is feeling and relate. More importantly you can see when someone feels pain and you know how to make them feel better. You make me feel better when I am at my worst._

 _You could say that if I decide to live, everyone on this tape has figuratively saved my life. You have done more then that. Tony you not only figuratively saved my life, but you are the literal reason that I am still breathing today and I thank you for that. Tony your my diamond in the rough, and you always will be._

She clicked the pen point shut and shoved the writing utensil in her back pocket. She handed the book to Tony, who had not looked over her shoulder impatiently like Clay as she wrote. He read it with Hannah observing him before looking up at her with a sincere smile. "Your welcome Hannah," he said as he went in to hug her again. "Now get to bed. There is a lot you have to prepare for. To be honest, there is a lot for you to be excited for. This is almost like a rebirth." Hannah nodded and listened to Tony. It was late, and after such an eventful day a good night sleep was appealing.

She tiptoed into the bedroom, where there were four beds. Clay, Brad, and Skye were already occupying three of them. She did not want to strand Tony to the couch after all he had done for her. Instead she walked over to the bed where Clay lay and climbed in to lay beside him. She knew Clay would not mind. And as a bonus that was the best sleep she had in her entire stay at the cabin.


	3. Parenthood

**Welcome to the third chapter of this story. If you missed it before, I will continue to try my best and post on Monday's but I am not making any promises. In addition to some important moments and details, this chapter and the next one or two will act as set up for several chaotic chapters that will follow leading up to 13. If you think I have forgotten any major characters relax, many (if not all) will make their first appearances in the next chapter where Hannah attends school for the first time since her attempt on her own life. I feel like it is my job to give prior notice that not every character will find a happy ending by chapter 13 because in all honesty that is not realistic and would make the story stupid. In fact do not be too surprised if one or more of the characters you are fond of does not make it to chapter 13, because in reality with all that is at stake at least one is bound to lose there life when considering all of the complicated situations they are set to face after season one on Netflix and even in the open strings left by Jay Asher. Enjoy this chapter and be sure to comment or add me and the story to your favorites if you do. Thanks!**

Two days had passed and she had not stopped thinking about this event once. As Tony continued to drive the strange houses that they passed by became more familiar by the second. She was on a collision course with her old life, and she did not know if she was ready to come in full contact with it. In fact, it did not matter because even if she desired to keep away from the past, she would be driven there anyway.

She closed her eyes tightly and tried to think about what she would say when the door opened. What could she possibly say? She did not think she was ready to face her parents and all she had done, and even if she was ready she did not want to.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the red cars tires rubbed to a stop against the hot, black asphalt. "Were here" Tony exclaimed.

Shit, Hannah thought to herself. She prepared some last second wise speach to get Tony to allow her to stay in the car, yet a moment later she way towards the steps. She knew she had to do this, after all Tony had already told them that she was alive and well but that did not change the fact that she was scared to the core for what would happen next.

She stood before the steps and almost turned back, but she forced herself to keep going. She had to do this, it was the right thing to do. No, it was the only thing to do.

Her legs wobbled as if her bones were made of rubber as she made her way up her own steps. Once she made it to the top she looked towards the final obstacle that divided her and her parents and her, the door. She made a fist and hovered it next to the wood, as she hesitated once again. She almost gathered the strength to knock, but her fears and anticipations stopped her once again. She looked to the floor in shame and almost turned around and walked back to the car. However, just as she intended to lift her foot and make her way back to Tony there was a creek and the door opened. Hannah looked up from her feet to the see the face of pure hope and bliss standing before her. "Mom!" she exclaimed. There was no turning back.

She did not know what to say, or even what to do. She could recognize the warm face before her from a mile away, although she noticed that the face of Olivia Baker appeared far older than it had the day in the pharmacy before Hannah's departure. Hannah felt so much guilt in her heart, as she knew what caused the acceleration of the aging process in her beautiful mother. She had thought nobody would even care if she left, and yet in a way this one action she had done had almost literally drained life itself out of her mother. They had lost so much time, and there was so much to catch up on and yet Hannah was speechless. All this time that she had spent thinking of what would happen when she reunited with her parents and she had never even thought of what she would say when they came in contact once again. Her mouth hung down a bit before she said "Mom… I don't-". Before Hannah could even attempt to come up with something thoughtful to say her mother had pulled her into an embrace. She relentlessly kissed Hannah's forehead before pulling the head of her beloved daughter into her breast. Nothing could have clouded Olivia Baker's love for her daughter, and Hannah knew that now.

"Andy!" she cried out. "Andy, that boy was not lying. Tony told the truth. It is her. Hannah is here. Our daughter is with us." she exclaimed loudly with joy. She made a thank you gesture to Tony, who prepared to drive off and leave the Baker family to themselves. Mrs. Baker took her daughter by the hand and dragged her into the house with all her might. She was thrilled to have her daughter back alive. Nothing like this would ever happen again, at least not on her watch. She could not control everything, but she would flex all the power she could if it meant helping her daughter Hannah.

Upon hearing his wife call out, Andy had made sure to sprint down from the upper floor to see the good news for himself. Andy, though he loved his daughter dearly, was not the type of man to get overly emotional or even hopeful. He had acted skeptical the previous day when a young man who had come over a few times to help them cope with there loss claimed that she was alive after all this time. While Olivia's eyes were quick to glimmer with hope Andy was not shy to reprimand the boy's stretch of a story involving a miracle medical blood transfusion followed by a complicated fake death plot and other secrets. He would have to make an apology for raising his voice abruptly on Tony, who turned out to be a very honest and reliable person. On a less serious note, the tough guy would have to think of an excuse for the tears of joy that dripped down from his eyes.

Hannah's instinct was to run up and pounce into his arms, which caused her father to stagger back. When a teenage child jumps into their parents arms the response is normally a brief reprimanding or even a plea for them to hop off before the parents achy muscles and bones are broken. This was not the case with Andy Baker. With Hannah's legs wrapped around his stomach his back was bent back and his legs struggled to hold onto the added weight, but he fought through it to keep Hannah in his arms as long as possible. When he was trapped in bed the next day from a stiff back, he would look at the cause and accept it as well worth it.

When she finally placed her legs back on the ground, Hannah refused to let go of her father. In fact, her mother walked over to make it a group hug. It was a day that nobody thought would be possible, a Baker family reunion and they were all just taking in the love. Any anxiety Hannah had at the front door was gone, she felt right at home.

When the family hug finally broke up and the reunion finally made its way towards the couch, Hannah anticipated a barrage of questions and consequences for everything she had done. As her mother and father gladly recalled baby stories of their precious girl and their thoughts of pure bliss that she was still there with them, Hannah awaited with her guard up for a question or change of tone in her parents' voice. In the versions of the moment in her head, her parents had disowned her, severely punished her, overwhelmed her with questions, and in the worst of her dreams they simply hardly even noticed she was ever gone in the first place. Then Hannah realized none of the fears from her dreams of what the return would look like were to come true. These were her parents and they were there to make her feel better, not complicate things for her just because they felt like it. They understood all that she must had felt and made sure to take it easier on her as a result. It is almost a gift that family has, to see what and when something is bothering their child and how to confront it effectively.

After an hour of talking there was a knock on the door, that brought silence to the entire family as they each wondered who it could have possibly been at the door. Hannah perked up at the thought that it was possibly Clay, but deep down she prayed it would not be him for she did not need to go through an awkward introduction between him and her parents to divert from what had been a pretty great day. Olivia Baker departed from the couch to get the door while Andy and Hannah sat quietly together to get a voice recognition. When the door opened, Olivia was quick to ask "Excuse me, sir. May I ask who your name is.? You may have the wrong address."

Andy Baker and Hannah leaned in to see who stood before Olivia at the door. Hannah thought it would be one of the four from the cabin for sure, but she had never seen the face of that man in her life. He must have been European and in his early thirties with a fancy blue suit, sharp haircut, and a clean-shaven face. Andy had never seen the man either, and all the family could assume about him was that he was at the wrong door.

Olivia told him that he had made a mistake and began to shut the door when the man asked the question. "So this is not the Baker residence?" he asked. "My apology," he continued. He said firmly "This old client of mine sent me over here with a very unusual case. I was supposed to have a girl sign a few papers in order to keep any legal issues out of a very complicated situation. You are positive that Hannah Baker does not reside in this location?"

Olivia Baker's mouth froze. Whenever people had come to her door for Hannah recently she would sadly have to inform them of her daughter's passing. She almost, out of instinct, told the man that Hannah was no longer with them but she stopped herself before the words could be said. After all this time she had spent accepting the fact that Hannah was gone and was going to stay gone she now had to adjust to the fact that the girl was never gone and sat in her living room. It was a challenge to reset her mind to know her daughter was alright after thinking she had been gone for over a month, but it was a good challenge. After a minute of awkward silence that Andy almost stood up to resolve himself, she finally asked: "Tony send you?"

The man nodded. That was all Olivia needed to know. Tony had been like a guardian angel to the family through it all. In addition to the fact that he revealed yesterday about saving the girls life, he had also helped her accept her life and make her want to live through her second chance. On top of that when the family was in pain he made sure to stay with them, and even gave them the answers that they yearned for even if it was against Hannah's will. If the man was sent by Tony, Olivia knew he was there to help. Tony had not let her down yet, and she did not think he ever would. "Come in." She said stepping away from the door.

The man walked in, mentioning how he loved the decor of the home, before taking a seat at the dining room table and pulling out a file from his briefcase. He calmly said "Hannah, if it is no bother to you, please take a seat at the table. There is a bit of paperwork that you must sign as soon as possible. You won't need to do any talking if you don't feel up to it. Your friend Tony gave me all the details I needed to write the proper documentation so all I need is a couple signatures." As Hannah sat down at the table the man turned towards her parents and said "If you have not yet realized I am a lawyer. If you do not trust me I would encourage you to look at each document, as they have been written for your daughter's benefit." The Bakers looked at each other briefly.

Andy said "I believe you are here for Hannah's best interest. To be honest, when we heard she was alive and coming home we did not even think there would be any legal concerns and we are glad you are on top of all of it. We would just like to know exactly what these papers are doing." The lawyer nodded.

"First of all my name is Derek Lopez. The documents I have here today all state that Hannah is not, in fact, dead, still resides in this home, nullifies any documentation of her death, keeps her from facing any time for fraud, and confirms that your estate or hers did not benefit in any way from her actions. Also, I am in contact with your lawyers for the lawsuit against the school and if you still wish to force the school to have to change its harmful environment we can still use the case to raise awareness even if Hannah greatly lowers your chances. I will also be working with him on the criminal case of Bryce Walker, so long as Hannah desires to continue with it." Mr. Baker agreed and Derek Lopez began to open the file. More discussion on the cases would bring some stress and recall memories for Hannah, so he decided to leave it for a later date.

Without giving any in-depth summaries of each document, the lawyer was in and out of the house within twenty minutes. Hannah's hand ached after she monotonously signed her own name on each line over thirty times. Even though it felt longer for her, even she would say it went by quickly and smoothly.

By the time she had finished, Mrs. Baker was already considering different dinner options. She had asked Hannah which restaurants were her favorites so that they could celebrate her, but Hannah sweetly responded that she missed her mother's cooking far more than that of any restaurant. If that was not enough to show how good of a child Hannah was the fact that she insisted to help in the kitchen did.

Hannah had decided on some sort of pasta, as she had not had any pasta since she entered the cabin. As Hannah lent a helping hand by gathering all the ingredients needed, Olivia Baker could not help staring at her daughter move around the kitchen from the distance. She commented "You look like you put on a little weight since last time we saw each other Hannah. Not that it's a bad thing, you look good. In fact, I am glad you did, it shows you have been healthy. When Tony told us you were alive one of my worries would that you would be in deep depression causing yourself constant misery and a lack of desire to eat, but you look as happy as ever and I am glad."

Hannah turned around and smiled. "Ok mom, can you stop staring me down and help out. I volunteered to help you in the kitchen, not cook all by myself." Hannah laughed and so did Her mother.

Hannah and her mother began to chop up the unions when all of the sudden Hannah was hit with a wave of nausea. Her stomach violently turned as she rushed towards the trash can, hardly making it before she vomited into it. Mrs. Baker was quick to join her by the trash can and support her daughter by holding back her short hair as best she could. Hannah stood there for several minutes hunched over the trash can releasing her stomachs wrath, before finally standing back up tall and wiping her mouth.

Hannah's mother asked "You are sick? Just minutes ago you looked so vibrant and energetic. Are you alright?" She said as she brushed Hannah's hair back with her hand.

Hannah shrugged "I am alright, I feel fine now. It must be all of the stress that I have experienced recently that hits me once in awhile. Every once in awhile, recently, I feel sick to the stomach for a brief period of time. I promise you, mom, I am perfectly fine. Shall we get back to cooking after I wash up?" There was no immediate response from her mother.

Olivia Baker calmly said while thinking "Hannah I know you have been through so much already and that you are just trying to decompress a bit, but there is something important I must ask you. I don't feel like having you recall the inappropriate offenses against you in the twelfth tape you made, or any of hem for that manner, but This is important. Did you ever think to take a pregnancy test?"

Hannah who was on her way to the sink to clean herself off, stopped dead in her tracks. All she could think was this could not be happening, things were finally settling down for her. Then it dawned on her. Things would never calm down for her, or go her way. She was Hannah Baker and if there was anything that could possibly make her life any worse it would surely happen because that's how the universe treated her. That's why she had given up on life in the first place. She had not even taken a test for pregnancy but she did not have to, she already knew she was. She had felt different since that horrible day with Bryce, and while she thought it had been stress it was now obvious that she was pregnant with his child. The reunion with her parents, which had been a happy day overall was ruined. For a brief moment she thought, her life was ruined.

Her mother saw the look of distress on her face and made sure to comfort her and wrap her arm around your shoulders. Hannah had begun to sob and she asked her mother "Are you mad at me, mom? I am so sorry." She felt horrible, almost as bad as she did the night Bryce had caused this in the first place.

Her mother was quick to absolve her. "Hannah my dear, you have done nothing wrong. You were a victim, and even if you weren't I would support you. That is my number one job as a mother, and your dad's number one job as a father. Whatever happens beyond this day, don't be worried about our response. We have to know because at the end of the day anything we do is not to harm you, it is to help you even if you can not see it. We help you because you are our number one priority and we love you."

Hannah nodded as she tried to suppress her tears. She hugged her mother tight and said "Mom, I know you care. I thank you for that." She held onto her mother tightly for another minute. She finally let go and said "I don't mean to be rude mom, but I would like to excuse myself for the rest of the evening. I think I need some time to myself. I will be alright, I'll leave the door open if you are worried or anything like that but I just need to get away for a bit." Olivia Baker nodded.

Hannah made her way to the steps to head to the room but she stopped to say "Thanks for being there for me. I love you, mom." She smiled weakly as she headed up the steps.

"I love you more Hannah," her mother said as Hannah headed off.

She sat in her room alone, and for the first time in a long time, she actually wanted to be alone. There was nobody that she wanted to see, and not even her Helmet could cheer her up from this. It was bad enough that she had to live through what Bryce did to her, but now she would be forced to raise a child that would permanently remind her of the event. All the depression that had led to the tapes surged back through her veins. She did not want to do anything but lie down and wait for it to be over, and for a while, that is exactly what she did.

After a few moments of moping around her bed, Hannah gained the strength to stand up. She walked over to a mirror and lifted up her shirt to take a quick glance at her stomach. It had grown a bit, but there was nothing to make anyone believe she was pregnant yet. She was miserable, but for a brief second as she put her hand over it she felt joy. Sure it did not belong to the man she loved, Clay, but there was still a child growing within her and that greatly excited her. If anything the baby gave her a new incentive to stay alive, at least until it's birth. It would complicate her life even further being a pregnant teen and school and having to get the support of Clay her new boyfriend. Things would be rough, but no matter what happened she would be sure not to abandon her future child.

She settled into her bed and started to drift to sleep but then she stopped herself and forced her eyes open. There was something she still needed to do before she fell asleep and let the rest of this chaotic day pass by. As she was drifting she thought of her third reason to stay alive. She fetched her notebook out of her back pocket, took a pen off of her dresser and began to write.

 _Mom, Dad, and my future child/children, these are your notes. I hope when you do read this it shows you how much I care or cared for you._

 _Throughout life there are many relationships, some closer than others, that eventually come to an end. There are also ones meant to last through everything, even death itself. Today I learned that my beautiful relationship with my parents will last through the days they die, even if my death comes well before that. That makes that relationship more valuable than almost anything the world could ever have to offer._

 _The funny thing is as a teen you are programmed to think your parents are simply around to nag you and punish you no matter what you do. Little do we know, in a good home at least, there only concern is giving us the best life humanly possible even if it cost them personally. I spent so much time viewing my family in fear as if they were an enemy trying to get me. In reality, they are nothing but friends that blindly support you so long as they feel they are leading you to the future you deserve. I learned this today as I faced my parents for the first time today and was treated with nothing but pure respect and support, despite my mistakes. It is a lie to say there are not people out there in the world to get us, but saying our parents are amongst them is absurd. Before today I feared to talk to my mom and dad. Now I know that I should always talk to them first because they will always be the first people to help me as long as it is possible._

 _It is a special bond that is shared between a parent and their offspring. The greatest part of it is the way it acts as a cycle, with the generation of offspring becoming parents to pass on the same bond that was shared with them previously, without losing the original bond. Since I have realized that I will soon become a parent in the cycle, I am thrilled and freaked out at the same time to be able to be able to experience what my mother had with me on the other side of our bond while still leaning on her for support. While it has not occurred on my own terms, I am aware that sometimes life throws a curveball and I will be sure to do my best and hit this one out of the park._

 _The whole concept of parenting has become my third reason to stay and live the rest of my life. The first part of this that makes me want to live is that the love that my mom and dad have shown me is becoming to much to abandon. More importantly, now that I am pregnant it is my job to continue the cycle of bonds with offspring with my own child. It is up to me, and any future parent for that matter, to make sure I am there to show my child the same values and support my parents showed me. When that decision to live becomes difficult I know my mom and dad will be there to lean on, and I am beyond grateful for that. Thank you for being there for me and I pray you always will be, as I hope I will be with my future child._

She read the note out loud to herself and she then placed the notebook on her nightstand. With nothing else to do she lied back into her bed. Her eyelids grew heavy until she eventually fell asleep.


	4. Back to School

**This chapter is a bit longer, but it is not a hard read. It is split up into a section for each character. I almost made each one a mini chapter but I wanted to keep the format with each chapter being 1 reason. Comment what you think!**

She would have preferred not to see any of the twelve people with a tape dedicated to them on her first day back from school, so of course, she came in contact with every single one of them throughout the day. Hannah should have half expected to see them all since they all went to the same school and besides, whatever she did not want to happen would always happen. That is not to say all of her encounters a week after returning to school were all bad, its just she would have been more comfortable to just hold most of them off a bit longer.

 **Clay**

It was very rare and unusual for Hannah to not want to see her new boyfriend Clay even before they were dating, but she preferred not to run into him today. It was not that he had done anything wrong or that she was mad at him in any form, she had simply not been able to tell him about her pregnancy yet and she didn't really want to have any conversations with him until she found a way to break it to him. She would not be able to avoid him very long, especially since she had already spotted him by her front door waiting to walk her into her first day of school since everything had happened.

"Oh…hey there Clay," Hannah said, trying her best not to sound bummed out. She loved Clay, she really did, but she did not want to see him at the moment and it clearly showed.

"Is there something wrong? Is it something I did?" Clay asked nervously. He was not used to being in a relationship and he feared to lose Hannah just as quickly as he had gained her.

Hannah shook her head "Relax Helmet. How come every time I seem upset you think there is something that you did wrong. You are fine, believe me, if I had a problem with you I would let you know. Take it easy." She rolled her eyes playfully. Even when she did not want to see Clay he still managed to make her smile.

The pair held hands as they made their way to the school building. This was going to be a long day for Hannah. The entire school had been notified that she was alive and well, but having a girl that was once considered by the school body to be dead walking around the halls would not be a comfortable day for her. Hannah thought of scenarios of what could meet her as the day went on, but like her returning to her parents she had no control of what would happen next. All she could do is get through as best she can.

Clay rambled off on some nerdy topic that Hannah thought was cute, although she hardly paid enough attention to recall half of the conversation because she was so focused on what lay ahead of her. Clay asked a question that went through her right ear and out her left. Only when he stopped walking and her arm was pulled back since they were holding hands did she realize that he had said something looking for a response. "I'm sorry," Hannah said. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Understandable." Clay forgave her easily. He was such a nice guy, to the point that Hannah felt she did not deserve him but that did not matter right now. Clay reasked "So do you want to meet up for lunch. I have to tutor a kid in English after school, but we could see each other at lunch." Clay spoke in a timid manner with his shoulders slouched. He had already made her his girlfriend yet he was still too frightened to ask her on a lunch date in the cafeteria.

She quickly responded "No," and watched as the sparkle left from his eyes for a brief moment. She quickly added "Before you ask what you did wrong or what is the matter, I already have plans for lunch today Clay. I won't be in the cafeteria, I have to meet the guidance counselor. You know why."

Clay gave a sigh of relief. "Ahh, Mr. Porter. Well, see you tomorrow then." Hannah was surprised, yet glad. Sure Mr. Porter had failed her before, but at least now she did not need to explain her situation to someone else. Besides, he did not need to be fired for her actions, and she had gotten a second chance and he deserved one as well.

They had reached the school and Clay gave her a peck on the lips to say goodbye before running off to make sure he would not be late to class. She wanted to call for him to come back so she could tell him she was pregnant and get it over with. She felt awkward with him when he did not know and wished she could gain the courage to tell him the truth. However, as usual, she could not gather the strength to tell him and just let him walk away. She had no time to regret her decision, however, for there was a school day to begin.

 **Tyler**

There were some people from the tapes that Hannah would like to keep in her life immediately, others that she did not want to let into her new life for a while, and a select group that she never wanted to see again. Tyler was a member of the third group, yet just several minutes into her first day of school she had already come face to face with him. She did not like Tyler one bit, he was just some creep that never left her alone. She could not stand his awkward face and geeky camera equipment that had wronged her so cruelly.

"Say cheese." Tyler smiled as he snapped a picture of her showing his gross smile behind the camera. His camera flash was almost like a trigger for Hannah, who flipped out as soon as the white light hit her face.

"Really Tyler? I am back for one day and you already start up with that crap. I told you never to take a picture of me again!" She felt bad on the inside, as she knew how hard it was to be the recipient of another person's cruelty, however, there were five members of her tapes that she could never bring herself to forgive and one of them was him. There is no excuse to treat another person like shit, but Tyler sure deserved it more than others in her eyes.

Tyler not getting the message rudely pointed out "I don't understand why you hate getting photographed. You look beautiful as always in this picture." He was still smiling until Hannah's fist slammed into the camera and smashed it into the floor.

Tyler was quick to dive to the floor and pick the parts of the camera up as Hannah looked down at him. "Leave me alone creep." she shouted at him. For some reason, Tyler still managed to smirk after a comment like that.

From his knees, Tyler called back "I am sorry Hannah, I truly am." She stopped just shy of the door.

"You should've thought of that before you took the picture Tyler," she mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. Her feelings were beginning to fall and she had not even entered the building.

From his knees, Tyler remarked "No, I don't regret what I did to you one bit. I regret what I do next." Hannah looked at him with a perplexed look on her face. "You will see if you don't kill yourself first."

Was that an insult? Did he take a shot at her for her attempt on her own life? Hannah could not speak to him any longer. With a tear hidden beneath her eyelid, she made her way towards the entrance.

Tony, as if he had been stalking her, came up from behind her and asked: "Hannah, what was that all about?" She shook her head.

"I don't know, Tony. I have tried to let it all out, but there is still so much bottled up inside." She sighed in frustration.

Tony patted her on the back and said "Hannah, just take it easy. Remember from experience, you do not know what goes on inside his skin. I know it is tough, but try your hardest not to be too quick to judge. Even if he is bad at heart, sometimes it is best to ignore and move on." She nodded as Tony was right. When was he wrong?

 **Courtney**

Why was everyone she wished to avoid the most stationed at the front of the school? She wanted to make her return as quiet as possible, and for some reason, the school thought the best way to do this was welcome home posters and a small welcome comity of a few random members of the school body and none other than Courtney Crimson.

With the largest smile imaginable on her face, Courtney ran up to Hannah with a pretty bouquet of flowers. "Welcome back to school Hannah Baker" Courtney exclaimed as the students behind her threw little bits of confetti paper in the air. It was the fakest thing that Hannah had ever seen in her life and the thought of what some of these people who couldn't care less about her made her want to throw up. The bell had not even rung yet and Courtney was already back at it supporting her reputation of being a cold-hearted snake.

Hannah tried to keep an act up and not lash out like she did against Tyler. This day would not go very well if she snapped at everyone who had been mean to her in the past. "Hello Courtney, you look great." She hugged her and made sure to roll her eyes when her head was behind Courtney's back. "Are those flowers for me!" She pretended to act surprised.

Hannah felt like shit talking to Courtney. Not only had she accepted her serpent-like lies but she began to go along with it as if it were contagious. The thing that hurt Hannah the worst was that now that she was betrayed by Courtney in the past she knew she was a lying bitch and yet here she was feeding into her act. When Courtney asked things like "How have you been?" and "What can I do for you." Hannah began to fall into a trap and almost believed Courtney was her friend again. You know it is a great trick when you almost fall for it a second time.

After a few minutes passed Hannah made sure to get away from Courtney before she got in too deep. The funny thing was as they talked not a single rude word was said, and yet she felt as if there were millions used. Everything was so fake, to the point that she could not take it anymore. Plenty of girls acted fake, Hannah knew that for a while. There was nothing special about that in the world they lived in. Courtney had a demented gift, however. Courtney was able to use her fake personality to bring out the fake in others. Hannah hated that, and she hated how she couldn't say it to the face of Courtney.

Aside from Clay, her day meeting the members of the tapes was brutal and she had not even made it to homeroom. She decided to pick up the pace she walked before anyone else noticed her and tried to spark a conversation.

 **Zach**

"Hannah is that you. Hannah wait up. I… I really need to talk to you." She rolled her eyes as she recognized Zach's voice from down the hall. She had done more than enough talking that morning, and she picked up her pace. He would get the message, wouldn't he? He had to.

The voice called out again, saying "Hannah, please! Just a minute, I want to talk." She looked behind her to see his arms waving through the crowd as he poked his head around others bodies to make sure she stayed in his line of sight. He was gaining on her, and she knew with his athletic background a run for it would not end in her favor. She thought for a second on whether it was worth all of that trouble to avoid Zach. Sure she was not eager to see him, but in her honest opinion he never seemed to be a bad guy and was far from the type of person to look for trouble.

She stopped and sighed. This was going to be a long day then she thought. Turning to face him, with her binder held tightly between her arms and chest she said "What's up Zach? What's on your mind?" Zach smiled knowing she willingly stopped to speak.

Politely he said "Sorry to be a bother. I just wanted to see you after… you know. I don't mean to hold you up but do you have a moment."

"No worries" Hannah assured him. "I'm sorry for picking up the pace. It is not even homeroom and I have already had two rough encounters. I'm honestly just trying to get through the day in one piece." She laughed feeling a bit overwhelmed.

"I get it and I'll be quick," Zach said. "I hope you are alright and I know it is a bit soon to bring up but I have a bit of a concern that we got off on a bit of the wrong foot last time. I am not a bad guy, trust me, and I just want you to know that if there is anything that I can help you with this time around I want to be there for you. I am not trying to right a wrong either, I am being genuine here."

He had his hands in the pockets of his varsity jacket, as the rest of the school continued to move around them.

Hannah shrugged and looked around, not wanting anyone around them to hear their conversation. She wanted to believe them but there was nothing there to show her that Zack was serious. He was a goofy jock, and she did not take anything that he said without a grain of salt. She eventually said, "That is nice of you, but to be honest Zach I am just fine right now."

She was ready to turn around and walk away when he had the audacity to pull out his wallet. What was she that he thought he could pay her to forget the past. "Are you kidding me, Zach. That's insulting." She objected before he reached between two dollar bills and pulled out a neatly folded piece of loose leaf paper.

Hannah had a perplexed look on her face as he handed the paper to her. What, he couldn't even say what he had to her face. She took it from his hands anyway and began to unfold it. All her confusion was gone when she saw the delicate penmanship on the paper. It looked just like her own. No, it was her own. It was the note asking him to stop messing with her in Peer Communications class, the one she could have sworn that she saw him throw in the garbage. It hit her that instant, Zach never belonged on her tapes. Her whole feud with him started because of she refused to let him help her. Sure he acted immaturely, but she now knew Zack was not all talk and actually did care for her well being.

She leaned in to hug the star athlete. She whispered into his ear "I apologize, Zack, I misjudged you. If I need help I will be sure to talk to you in the future. Thanks for being there in the past and coming back now." She held the embrace for a moment before finally letting go. She had read into Zack incorrectly last time and would be sure not to do so again.

 **Ryan**

She had made it out of homeroom in peace, unfortunately, there was only one seat open in her English class and it was the desk next to Ryan Shaver. His face looked over at her, but there seemed to be no emotion present on it. His face was flat as usual after all Hannah had once questioned if he had emotion at all.

She rolled her eyes and plopped her binder on the desk next to him. She earned an awkward look from the teacher and several members of the class before they moved on and got started with the grammar lesson. Once the teacher began to drone on, speaking for the entire fifty minute period Ryan whispered to her "Welcome back Baker. You look well for a dead girl." Something like that out of anybody's mouth would have hurt Hannah deeply, but Hannah had learned to tune out Ryan's under the radar insults.

He was a brilliant writer, and she was sure a lot of his recent poetry was related to all the events that she had recently transpired thanks to her. She was not eager to read any of it, especially after he had released her inner and most private feelings by publishing her work without her consent. She understood why he did it, poetry was all he cared about and there were only so many felt he could write about when he hardly felt any. He was attracted by Hannah's complicated interior, and with her dead or alive, it served him well to tap into all her pain for inspiration.

Distracted by his obnoxious face, Hannah could not look away from Ryan. She was scanning him for a good characteristic, yet she found nothing at all. He was completely hollow on the inside, and he was surely shy of a good personality. She wondered how Tony could have possibly seen anything within him worth dating. Maybe it was one of those things that Tony could see a deeper trait within him, that was not visible to the public eye. Then she thought Tony was human, and everyone makes mistakes even him.

She had tried her best to ignore him, there were only ten minutes in the class left until she could escape. Ten minutes was all he needed.

"You have been through a lot, Hannah, how have you been," he asked. Hannah did not even glance in his direction. Ryan continued anyway saying "You know a great way to relieve the stress of the moment is to get your painful thoughts into writing." He pulled out a brochure. "This is the sign up for the next poetry column for the school. You have a gift, and you shouldn't be shy to use it." A few minutes later the bell rang and he was gone.

She should have been mad at him. He actually had the audacity to try and get her to open up her feelings to the community, just for his own poetry club's benefit. That was exactly what earned him a spot on her tapes on the first place. The thing was he was right, in the sense that Hannah had been bottling up feelings, and as sad as it was that he cared about poetry more than her she knew that the column may have been a solution. She wanted everyone to know of her pain, which was the point of the tapes, and perhaps the poetry column was the place to express her feelings. The idea did not change her feelings on Ryan, but she was now open to writing about her feelings for the public. They all knew she was pain already, she might as well share and try and get help.

 **Porter**

The next two classes went by quietly, and Hannah did not talk to any of the members of the tapes. She was sitting alone a table in the lunchroom when she remembered that she needed to meet Mr. Porter in his office. She quickly gulped her food down and hoped she would make it before it was too late, not that he would send her away again. She made it to the office and sat outside the door as she awaited him to call her in.

Within two minutes she was sitting in the air-conditioned room on the opposite side of Mr. Porter. He had a smile on his face, as he seemed genuinely happy to see her there. Not to take anything away from him, but why wouldn't he. After all her death and the tapes being exposed to a court and several higher members of the school would have cost him a job, and now that she had lived he was granted a second chance to make things right. He would ensure Hannah, or any other student for that matter never left the cool office unsafely again.

"Hannah" he exclaimed with his hand out for a handshake. He looked at her for a good moment and said "You look surprisingly well for someone who has been through half of what you have been through. Tell me for the record, is there anything new I should be aware of. Anything we should catch up on."

She paused a moment to think. "Well I'm not doing great, but I have to say I feel I am doing a lot better now then I did the last time we met. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a full handful of people that I can trust. I mean I even have a boyfriend now." Hannah smiled. When she spoke about it her life did not seem half bad.

Mr. Porter was a bit surprised and relieved to hear Hannah was doing well. He would have his eye on her but it warmed his heart to hear that she felt good. "That is great news, Hannah." Mr. Porter exclaimed. He asked, "Is this boy a student here, if I may ask?"

Hannah nodded "I am dating Clay Jensen." The thought of clay made her happy at first, although it also reminded her that the two of them had a serious topic that they needed to talk about. Hannah tried not to dwell on that for the moment. She did not want to tell anyone, not Clay, not Tony, and for sure not Mr. Porter.

"Ah." Mr. Porter responded. "I recall you claiming Clay hated you, Hannah. I thought I saw a spark between you too the last time we talked, but you did not seem to see it."

Hannah shrugged as she pulled the looseleaf paper from Zack's wallet and brought it into her vision as she said "Well, I have learned that sometimes my mind can play tricks on me. I can recall something to be one way when it turns out to be something entirely different in reality."

Mr. Porter nodded. "I see. Don't worry it is my job to sort all that stuff out with anyone that needs it. It happens to the best of us. We will meet once a week to discuss how things are going Hannah but do not be frightened to come in here if you need it. I am almost always free, kids don't come for guidance enough, and when I am not we can schedule a later time that day. As for the time being, is there anything else on your mind?" He could see by the way her smile was fading that something was eating away at her inside, now all he had to do was yank it out of her.

Hannah said "Depends. How much time you got." Mr. Porter checked his watch and looked outside and saw the feet of the girl he had scheduled next.

Weeks ago he would have held this for next time. Many adults fail to learn lessons. Mr. Porter was not one of them. Chuckling he said "As much time as you need Hannah. We remember what happened when I got a bit anxious and pressed for time last time, this time we will take all the time you need. Besides, you and she are my only current regulars, so it won't be a hold up if I bump her back a few minutes." He folded his hands together, ready to listen.

She closed her eyes. Here went nothing. "I'm pregnant!" she blurted out. She had not even decided to tell him when it spilled out of her mouth, it just happened. She could tell by the way his jaw dropped that the news surprised him. Mr. Porter was still calm, he heard stuff like this from girls this age all the time, but he was expecting something different.

Hannah, embarrassed, buried her head in her arms on Mr. Porter's desk. She awaited his response, hoping it would be a good one. She needed a bit of help.

"With Clay! I have to say this surprised me. I took him…" Hannah stopped him.

"You took him for a shy kid? You were right. Clay has to ask permission four times just to kiss me on the cheek." She smiled at the thought of how adorable he was. Getting back to the serious topic she clarified "No Mr. Porter, I've been pregnant for a while now. I've been pregnant for a while now, since our last meeting, in fact, I just did not know it yet."

Mr. Porter realized what she meant by it immediately. "Bryce!" he whispered. "Hannah, I know of school rumors and I have heard nothing of this so you clearly are secretive of this, but am I the first person you have told." She shook her head.

"My parents are aware. Other than that nobody knows, not even Clay." She paused as she began to tear up. "Mr. Porter I have no idea what I should do. What's going to happen to me? What is everyone going to think of me now, I'm going to be a teen mom! What if Clay gets startled and abandons me. What if I can't take care of it. On top of all that, how am I supposed to forget? What if it looks like him, what if the baby reminds me of Bryce. How do I move on from being taken advantage of like that." Her eyes were swollen with tears.

Mr. Porter said "Hannah it is going to be hard but you are not the first person to go through this and unfortunately you will not be the last. On the other hand, I have someone outside that door that can help you get through it because you shared the same experience. As for the rest of your life, some things might look bleak at times, but you have to understand things will never go as bad as you think they will. Sometimes life hides blessings within our hardships and we just have to wait to find them. And about Bryce, I made an honest mistake Hannah. I truly do think he will face consequences if it makes you sleep easy." Hannah stood up and began to walk out when Mr. Porter added "and please, if you are ever feeling too down or like you need to talk immediately come in. My door is always open."

Hannah nodded "Thank you, Mr. Porter. I needed that." If only there first meeting had gone like this, none of this would've ever happened. It was a second chance well used.

 **Jessica**

There she was, sitting exactly where she did the night they first met. "Hey Jess, how are you?" Hannah asked casually. She did not expect the look of distress on her once close friends face. It was the worst she had ever seen her, and it pulled the strings of her heart. Hannah planned to say a quick hello, but now she was leaning towards staying behind to talk a little bit. She knew what was hurting Jessica, she had experienced it too.

"Hey, Hannah," Jessica said trying her best to perk up a bit. It did not fool Hannah, as Hannah used the same exact tactics when she was depressed. "Mind if you stay back a few minutes, I really think I need to talk to someone. Someone who understands what I have been through."

Hannah took the seat next to Jessica, the same seat she had sat when she met her for the first time. Jessica had abandoned Hannah a while back, back when things were simple and stupid, and now she needed her once closest friend Hannah more than ever before.

Mr. Porter peaked his head out of his office and said: "Jessica, I am ready when you are." Jessica looked at the guidance counselor and then looked back at Hannah.

"Um, Mr. Porter… I don't know what your schedule is like for the rest of the day and I don't mean to waste your time, but I think it would really help me if I had a quick talk with Hannah one on one; so long as it is okay with her." Mr. Porter nodded and closed the door. Both girls needed this.

Jessica did not want to waste any time with any small talk, as she was a mess. She immediately, as soon as the door closed, asked "How do you do it? How do you live each day knowing he did that to you? Does it ever get any easier?" Just mentioning the events at the party brought Jessica to tears. She was violated and used against her will for the sick pleasure of Bryce Walker, the definition of a monster.

Hannah thought for a second. "Not that you don't know this, but I did not know how to live with myself at all. I guess the best you can do is focus on the good around. I pray it will get easier, but to be honest I don't know. There is only one way to find out."

Jessica nodded "I feel like shit from the moment I wake up and for the entire day. The only times I can escape is when I am drunk or asleep, and even when I sleep I see his face in my dreams. I don't think I can ever let go of something like that."

Hannah agreed. "You won't forget. I have his kid growing inside me."

Jessica looked with her jaw dropped. "What are you going to do? I would be so lost. Hannah you might get shit around school after what you did. I would never be able to survive what you have been through, and what you still go through each day. You get a bad rep, Hannah, you're brave and I look up to that."

Hannah smiled "Thanks, Jessica, you're not so bad yourself."

All the sudden Jessica confessed "I almost ended it. I almost went out just like you. I felt alone, with Justin acting like a jerk and old friends like you and Alex out of touch I had nowhere to turn."

Hannah interjected, "How is he, I am sorry to interrupt."

Jessica said "No, no it is fine. Alex is still in serious condition. The gunshot gave him severe trauma to the head and after waking up briefly he slipped into a coma." Hannah took a deep breath. She would never have imagined her high school life would be this intense in middle school.

"Anyway," Hannah continued "I got drunk in my bedroom one night as usual, and my thoughts were not clear. I began to think about it, and even took out a gun from my fathers safe. If I was sober enough to load it, I would not be here today." This was the first time that Jessica had opened up to someone on her near-death experience, and she picked Hannah to share it with because she knew Hannah would understand. Only people who had felt that low at some point could relate and not look down at her, and having Hannah to talk to greatly comforted her.

If it were a cartoon a lightbulb would have flashed over Hannah's head. "Jessica we can do this together." She exclaimed. "We both went through this together and we can support each other until we get past it. Let's make a pact to talk anything through with each other before we do anything rash. Forget all of the past and make sure we have each other's back no matter what happens next." Hannah held out her hand and Jessica shook it firmly.

"Thank you," Jessica whispered into Hannah's ear as they hugged each other tightly.

Hannah whispered back "Stay strong Jessica. We can get through this together." That moment Jessica could put Hannah on her list between alcohol and sleep for things that relieved the pain of what Bryce did to her. She could never fully forget what happened but with Hannah's help, she would be taking the first steps towards moving on.

 **Markus**

"Hannah Baker, please report to the main office." She had just found a seat in her math class and now she had to stand up and make her way back downstairs. She was not nervous like some kids when they are called to the office, after all, it was her first day off in almost a month and there was certainly nothing she had done wrong that they had not already discussed with her. The only benefit of being called down was that she would not be forced to sit through another class since she struggled mightily not to feel out of the loop and overwhelmed after missing an entire month of class.

When she made her way down to the main office an older woman sitting at the front desk was the first to greet her. "Hello dear, you must be Hannah. Take a seat, we are having a member of the student honor board have a talk with you in order to come up with a plan to catch you up on classes." Hannah got a bit excited, she only knew two members of the honor board and one of them was Clay. Sure she was keeping a big secret from him, but she was really starting to miss him.

Her animated face died out as soon as she saw the stern face of Markus come through the office door. Her luck had come through once again and sent her the gift of a conversation with Markus who in a way was a turning point for when her old life truly began to become dark. She just prayed he would not become a turning point on her day.

She nodded to acknowledge his presence. He walked over but did not nod back or smile, not that she truly expected him to do so.

"Ok, Hannah we both don't want to do this so I will just make it quick. This whole attention plea of yours has resulted in a ton of work that you are behind schedule on." He tossed her a massive binder. "That contains everything you have missed while you have been doing who knows what. If I were you I would get reading right away when you get home tonight. I am supposed to tutor you and all that crap, but to be quite honest I am not going to punish myself and waste all my precious time so that you can keep demanding more attention. You're a smart girl you will figure it out. I'll have my eye on you, I don't want to lose my spot on the board because of your schemes." He scowled at her and a moment later he was gone.

Was he serious? Did he actually accuse her of being an attention freak after she tried to kill herself? Hannah wanted to be shocked, but the Markus that she just spoke to was exactly like the old Markus: all he cared about was himself and his own image. How did she end up as his match on Valentine's Day?

She shrugged it off as she began to flip through the binder. There was a plus side to all of it; she could ask Clay to tutor her instead. Besides, while she intended to be nice to Markus she did not really care what he thought about her as she had never been close to him. He had been a jerk today, but she felt she could shake this off easily. What came next would not be so easy.

 **Bryce**

The fact that he still roamed free in the halls sickened her. Every time she heard his name she would do the best she could to flee the area before her eyes could catch a glimpse of his face. If just the name Bryce Walker brought pain and chills through her veins, Hannah did not want to know what the mere sight of his devilish eyes would do to her. She honestly wished like she never saw him ever again in her life, but when did Hannah ever get what she wished for in life.

All the sudden she felt it, and she was in shock. She knew that hand, she had felt it on her far too many times. Her mind immediately flashed to the time that she first felt it in the candy store, and then she began to relive the moment in the hot tub over and over again. How could he do it to her back then, and what made him think it was appropriate to touch her at all now. She did not turn around, but she did not need to know it was the monstrous Bryce that stood behind her. He was such a pig that even after all that happened he still dared to take advantage of her.

She had feared walking into the staircase alone because she feared something exactly like that would happen. Thanks to her luck, the second she walked into the steps she was ambushed by Bryce who could not resist pouncing with one of his filthy paws for a chance to grab her ass stood behind her. In the past when he forced his will upon her Hannah froze into a complete panic, but not this time.

"Get the fuck off me," Hannah screamed quickly turning around and pushing him as far away as her muscles could manage. "How dare you."

Bryce looked at her with his deceptive smile and smoothly said "Oh, I am sorry. I just missed watching the best ass in school jiggle around all day. Forgive me, sweetie." He was a spoiled jerk, and just looking at him shook Hannah to the core.

In a perfect world, men like Bryce Walker would not exist. In a fair world, she would not be pregnant with his child. Unfortunately for Hannah, in the real world, Bryce and the results of his actions were both present. All you could do about it was keep moving on, and that is what Hannah planned to do.

She tried to walk away and get as much distance from Bryce as she possibly could, but he grabbed her by the hand and kept her with him on the stairwell.

Hannah was scared. She would not let this happen to her, not again. She did not want to overreact, but if his hands stayed on her any longer she was ready to scream. She could not let something like this happen to her again.

"Jeez Baker, relax honey. Just give me a minute, I want to talk. Nothing to run away from here." Hannah did not want to listen, she just wanted to get away. She did not have a choice.

Looking at his face brought tears to her eyes. "Why? Can't you see that I don't ever want you in my life? I told you to get the fuck away from me Bryce. Haven't you done enough?"

"Come on Hannah, loosen up. I have been thinking about you for a while and now that you are here I have been meaning to talk to you. Hear me out." He was not giving up.

Hannah rolled her eyes. "What, you haven't taken enough from me. What could you possibly want now?"She felt weak like she was not in control of her own life. It was not the first time she felt that way, but it did not feel any better then she had the first time.

Bryce obnoxiously raised an eyebrow. "Actually, I had my heart set on giving something back today. What do you say me and you go out and grab a bite to eat after school? A date, if you want to call it that." He had to be joking right?

Hannah was in shock. That was about the last thing she could have pictured coming out of his mouth. Not that she cared, but she didn't even know if he was serious. She could not tell because he had a goofy smile on his face. Either way, she would never agree, but she did want to know if it was sincere or a practical joke.

"What!" She finally said. "You can't possibly be serious. After all that you have done you think it would be a reward for me to date a jerk like you. Bryce, I want you to be locked away so that I never see you again. Why would I ever want to be a part of your disgusting life." Hannah could not decide on which scenario would be sicker: if he meant what he said and actually thought she would go out with him, or if he actually was so immature that he thought it would be cool to mess with her for a laugh with his buddies.

He grabbed her hand and she immediately began to try and pull away from him. Tightening his grip he said "Hannah, I am sorry for what I had done to you. I was drunk and I just could not resist, and I regretted what I did from that day on. Give me one chance Baker. If we go out, and you still feel this way or I don't interest you I will never bother you again. What do you say?" He looked at her with deceptively charming puppy eyes.

Hannah could not believe it. She had a boyfriend in Clay, and she hated Bryce so it did not matter what she said, but the fact that he meant it was confusing for her. Why would he possibly want to date her after all of this? All the sudden, it hit her like a speeding bus. He was such an asshole.

"I can't believe you. Your worried about the case aren't you. You don't care about me, my feelings, or even my life. You are just trying to date me so the charges are dropped. You just wanted to cover your own ass. Get out of my life, Bryce Walker." She could not believe he was that shallow. Bryce had proven that some people can be bad to the bone.

Bryce shrugged it off. "Your loss. I have to say I am surprised, whores like you normally pounce on a chance to date me. Guess I'll have to get out of this the hard way." With that, he was gone.

She felt violated, again. He had not touched her inappropriately like last time, but he had tried to use her once again. It was like in his head he was the only thing that mattered, and everything else around him was simple pawns he could move around for his own benefit. He was so spoiled that he had actually managed to lose his sense of empathy for others. He was an embodiment of everything bad in the world, and she just needed to get away.

She had two classes to go, but Hannah just had to spend some time by herself. She made her way to the ground floor, and after checking to make sure the coast was clear she slipped right out the front door. She would have gone home, but she did not want her parents to know she left early just yet. Instead, she took a seat on the bench outside, with the plan to sit alone and wait for the school day to end. She would not stay alone for long.

 **Sheri(Jenny)**

"Hey Hannah, you had free periods to end the day?" Hannah looked up to see the face of Sheri in front of her.

Hannah shook her head. "I just needed to get away, it was too much."

Sheri nodded, "Same with me." Hannah looked over at her and saw a look in her eyes that she had never seen before. It was a look of pure remorse and regret. "It's opening day for the baseball team you know."

Hannah was perplexed for a moment. What did baseball have to do with anything at all? "Jeff!" She quietly whispered to herself.

The name belonged to the schools once baseball star. Before his untimely death, he had been the face of the sport in the school. He was a good friend of Clay's, until the day he allegedly died in a drunk driving incident. Hannah and Sheri knew that the accident was caused by something a bit more tragic. It was true that he had left the house on a beer run, but he had done so mostly sober himself. The accident was caused by a seemingly meaningless one that occurred prior to the death of Jeff, which Hannah and Sheri had caused when they crashed her car into a stop sign. Jeff did not pass through the intersection full speed because he was drunk, he went full speed because there was no stop sign there to tell him not to.

Sheri, as did Hannah, continued to bear the guilt of Jeff's death. After downing the stop sign she decided to drive away and pretend that nothing had happened, and when Hannah disagreed with that decision she drove off without her. Hannah felt she had to tell someone, and when she went to a local deli she finally found out that an accident on the intersection had already been reported. Together the next day, Hannah and Sheri would discover that the accident reported was a different accident, and that it had cost the life of one of there peers. Hannah felt bad enough that she could not save Jeff in time, but Sheri could not relieve herself of the guilt, knowing somebody had died because she was too scared to own up to a mistake. Not only had Jeff died, he was also falsely tagged as an irresponsible teen that died because they immaturely decided to drive drunk. The guilt of not confessing after ate her up inside as well, as Jeff was not the drunk driver that night, she was. Jeff was gone, and it was more than partially a result of their actions that night.

Hannah sighed "It never got any easier for you, did it." Every once in awhile Hannah had a nightmare about that night, and she knew if she could not let it past her, Sheri, who was in the wrong that night, would never be able to.

"I have taken strides, but I will always be scared. I was such a fool. All I was thinking about was me. How can I hurt my future? How will being honest negatively affect me? If I had just thought of others then Jeff would be in the batting cages warming up in an hour. Why did I have to cause a promising boy's life in order to learn that." Sheri wanted to collapse into tears but she was able to hold herself together.

"So what have you done about it since I left?" Hannah asked.

"I came clean. Clay convinced me it was the only option. I confessed so that they would take the label of a drunk driver off his name. After that, I went up to his parents and apologized for everything I had done. It was hard for me, but the closure of the family was all I cared about and in the process, I found a bit of closure for myself in the process. The thing is even with the closure you can never just let go. I can never make my life the same as it was before, and you can never get Jeff to live the rest of his. I guess all I can do is regret, and raise awareness so that the next Sheri does not make the same mistakes."

Hannah smiled at her. Sheri looked at her confused, as she had expected her to have a glum expression after the painful words she had spoken. "What can you possibly be smiling about, Hannah?" She abruptly asked.

"Oh, nothing." Hannah quickly responded. "It is just nice to know that some people are not all bad. It is good to know that some people can learn from their mistakes and change. If only there were more people like you."

Sheri shrugged "I just wish I could have learned sooner."

Hannah responded "Nobody is perfect. It is our flaws and how we cope with them that makes us who we are."

Sheri nodded. "It was good to see you, Hannah. I have to go now before the baseball bus pulls up and I collapse into tears. Until then, thank you, Hannah. You are a good person, you don't deserve all the shit the world throws at you."

With that, Hannah was all alone once again.

 **Justin**

There was a homeless bum on the corner of the school, who Hannah ignored until she noticed he began to stagger closer and closer to her bench. Knowing her history, she figured that if he came in contact with her it would not end well and Hannah began to consider fleeing. As the homeless person continued to stagger closer and closer, she finally decided to get up and start walking in the opposite direction.

"Wait!" The familiar voice called out. The sound of it rang a bell, but it was not clear enough to turn Hannah around. She continued to speed walk in the opposite direction until the voice called out "Hannah, wait."

She stopped. If he knew her name then he must have been somebody she knew.

The man walked up to her in a gray hoodie, that covered up his face. When they were in close range, he lifted it to reveal his face. It was Justin, and it was the worst that Hannah had ever seen him like. He smelled of alcohol and looked as pale and dirty as ever before. Hannah did not want to talk to him at all, but she decided not to walk away just yet.

Rolling her eyes Hannah asked "Hey Justin, what are you doing out of school? You look worse than normal. What could you possibly want?"

Only when she responded could she see the biggest change in Justin. He shrugged. "What does it matter anyway. My life might as well be over. You thought you had it bad, at least you have a home to return to when life gets rough." Sure he looked like a mess physically, but the emotional damage was far deeper.

Hannah decided that she wanted to comfort Justin, and she should hold back her anger with him for the time being. "I am sorry Justin, I did not know. It is just that you seemed to be just like the rest."

He was a shell of his former self. His last shower had been at least a week ago. He was running out of money, and the money he did have was mostly spent on the alcohol that he concealed in a brown paper bag as he walked.

"No, I'm sorry. I am sorry for the lives I ruined like yours. My own freaking mother rather sleep around with some ass hole then have me home with her. My father left before he ever saw me. Jessica was all I had and I lost everything because of that jerk."

Hannah patted him on the back. "I never thought of it from your point of view. I never thought of anything from anyone's point of view other than my own. I thought that I was the only person hurting, but maybe everyone feels pain. Maybe it is just a natural part of high school."

Justin shook his head. "Look, Hannah, I know you must think I am a monster, but just hear me out. I never meant you any harm, I was a moron. All this time I just had to try and fit in, and I lost my mind in the process. I had nothing when I found Bryce, and he took me in and I trusted him. All that shit I did, showing that stupid picture, letting him have his way with Jessica, it was all because I thought I owed him something. I just let him walk all over me, and now, I have nothing."

Hannah had a face of deep concern. "Justin I think you need help. As someone who has attempted to end my own life before, let me help you. We might not be friends, but I don't want to see you die." Hannah held out her hand.

He shook it but said "Thank you, Hannah, you really are an incredible girl but do not worry about me. I may be a wreck but I would never end my own life. Sure I don't want to live anymore, but if I go out nothing changes. Bryce wins. I rather sacrifice myself to make some real change. He deserves to pay for his actions." He had a look of pure rage on his face.

Hannah was perplexed. "Justin, what are you possibly thinking about doing? Don't hurt yourself doing something you will regret."

"Good luck Hannah. I hope you never have to find out what I plan to do." He turned to walk away but then he turned back.

"What is it, Justin?" Hannah asked.

"Take this." He said as he handed her a crumpled piece of paper. "Alex wrote it the last time he woke up. I check on him from time to time, and I held on to it. He wrote it to you in the other life, but now that you are here I guess you can read it now."

Hannah looked at him a bit wide-eyed. Justin had been different then the way that he appeared but he seemed like the last person to check on Alex in his hospital bed.

Seeing the look on her face he added "I feel like I was a factor that caused him to put the gun to his head and I feel bad about it. The least I can do is show I am there for him. I have caused enough pain, and he is a good kid. He doesn't deserve my shit."

Hannah nodded and took the paper from his hand. After flattening it out, she began to read it.

 **Alex**

 _Dear Hannah,_

 _I don't know if you watch over all of us from above, but if you don't you should know our lives have turned to chaos without you. I wish I could tell you that every person from the tapes learned their lesson and grew, but that would be a lie. The thing is the majority of people don't have the capacity within themselves to make a change. They just continue to go about their lives the way they did before as if nothing ever changed. After seeing that bad in the world I tried to follow in your footsteps and end my life as well. That would have been a mistake if I died, and I think you made a mistake as well._

 _After trying to put a bullet through my brain, I woke up to finally open my eyes. Life is not about those few who refuse to learn from events, it is about those select few that do. If you woke up like I did, you would see that the majority of the people in your tapes are the same as they were before. It would anger you at first until you notice that about one in every four did change. Infact some of those that changed would surprise you a lot._

 _If you could wake you up Hannah, I would. Not a second goes by on this bed that I do not miss our old friendship. I just have to say, if you can even see this, I am beyond sorry for that stupid list. I didn't mean to hurt you, it just goes to show how sometimes we fail to see the potential results of our actions. Forgive me, Hannah, forgive all of us even if they won't all admit we were wrong. Nobody would want you to stay dead, deep down we all wish you were still alive._

 _From your once dear friend,_

 _Alex Standall_

She looks up after reading and Justin was gone. She made her way home and immediately looked for some glue. Alex was right, watching some people learn and grow was outta living for. Even though it was plagiarism, she felt that Alex's note belonged in her book. She glued it in and wrote on the top _Hannah Baker, this is your note._


End file.
